Friday, October 14, 2011

Does time heal everything?

Well it's been a year, and reading my birth story still makes me cry. I'm sure most moms would say the same, however, most moms have tears of joy. I am not most moms...

Honestly, it still hurts.

Honestly, I'm still mad.

Honestly, I feel like I will never fully get over it.

Honestly, I feel I am scarred for life.

Remembering. Remembering makes me want to forget. Forget what though? It's not like I remember holding my precious daughter for the first time. I can't fondly look back on the memory of how I felt when I finally met my bundle of joy. I do not have any idea how she smelled, what I said, what my husband said, or what I thought. Nothing. I want to forget that I don't remember.

That is what hurts me the most. Not remembering. I was there, I am her mom, I should remember! How can you not? It's one of the biggest moments in a person's life! I feel like a horrible mother for not remembering. For thinking back a year ago and shuddering at the thought of my labor and subsequent infection. How can I have such negative thoughts about such a glorious day?

Then I think... If we have another baby, and I do remember their birth... that it will only remind me of what I missed out on before.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I've kinda been a bit busy....

- I started my new job at work almost a month ago and I'm still lovin it! It's a little strange right now because I don't think my team knows exactly what I'm going to be doing so I'm worried they may not like me... I'm going to be auditing their work... yikes! I've already made a new spreadsheet, or rather, re-vamped the one that the lead was using, and now I'm just trying to work my butt off to prove myself.

- I've been working on getting the house (or at least the main floor) done. I've added some decor and painted a few more things. We only have a couple more big projects to take on and my goal is to get it all done before Christmas! We'll see if it actually happens, but so far this week I've worked around the house every night except for last night. I've even started making lists for weekend chores, so we don't say 'oh we need to do x,y,z' and nothing ever gets done.

- I'm going to a chiropractor! The last time we were at the lake I thought I just slept funny because the next morning my back hurt. Well after a month of not being able to bend over I decided I should probably have it checked out. Turns out my lower back pain is because of muscle spasms and inflamed muscles, but he also found a few more things. My left hip is rotated back and my right hip is rotated forward, making my left leg shorter than my right, and my left shoulder lower than my right. My ribs are popping out of place where they meet my ribcage, and I've got a nice little curve going on at the base of my neck. Whew,  to think I thought my only problem was my lower back! :) I should be good as new by February though and I'm more than looking forward to it!

- Kimber met Dr. Young a few weeks ago. Is it bad that I miss my gyno? Shockingly, she let him pick her up! Normally she isn't too keen on strangers, but maybe they have a special bond :) As we were leaving he gave her her first sucker, I think they are going to be friends for life over that sucker!

- Speaking of Kimber and doctors, she had her blood drawn last week. It went better than I would of hoped. She was more mad at the fact that we were holding her down than at the needle. She was actually the most calm when she was being stuck! I'm telling you, you can't make her do anything... she's going to do what she wants to do or someone's going to pay :) I think I'm going to be in big trouble through the teen years!!!

- And lastly, and really the biggest reason why I've been so busy... I am now a mother to a TODDLER! haha

1st Birthday Party!

We had Kimber's party the Sunday after her birthday. I was up until 2 am decorating my mom's house for the festivities! Call me crazy but I went all out for this. Hey, my first kiddo is only going to turn 1 once, ya know? We even went so far as to hire a professional photographer! Check her out at, she took all the below pictures:
It was on this day that I learned what a ham my child is! When she started in on the cake and people would clap, she'd clap with a big smile on her face and wiggle up and down. It was all over after that, the entire time she was eating the cake she tried to get people to laugh at her. It was seriously hysterical!

The day went perfectly (other than the fact it took me 90 minutes to pick up the cupcakes b/c the hwy was closed! Thank goodness for my mom who got all the food ready for me!). I was amazed at how many people came and am totally grateful for everything. I know she had a fantastic time and it was everything I wanted it to be for her. She was surrounded by love on her first birthday, and you just can't beat that!

Some Favorite Presents:
- Set of balls Grandma and Grandpa got her.
- Wagon from Uncle Josh & Aunt Jenny, along with the Sesame Street ABC books.
- Books from Aunt Steph & Uncle Frankie.
- Leap Frog Birthday Cake from Karen.
- Activity walker from the Roeder's.
- And of course, I very much appreciated the clothes/gift cards!

-Hot pink, pink and white frosted chocolate & vanilla cupcakes.
- Puppy Chow
- Carmel Puppy Chow
- Buffalo Chicken Bites
- Cream Cheese Roll-ups
- Mini Pigs in a Blanket
- Fruit Tray
- Veggie Tray

- Hot pink, pink and white tissue paper poms
- Vases with yarn poms
- Pictures of Kimber galore
- Birthday banner
- Monthly photo banner
- 2 Photo albums of her first year
- Card station where guests could write a note to Kimber
- Cupcake stand
- Yarn pom cupcake toppers

A Year In Pictures

Kimber turns ONE!!!!

I just cannot believe it's been a year already. I can't accept the fact that I no longer have a sweet little baby, but more like a little strong-willed TODDLER!!! It's just incrediable to me how much things change in a year. She started walking on 11/24/11, and now we no longer crawl. She is so independent, and strong willed that sometimes I cannot help but laugh at what a determined little being she's become.

Pat and I decided we wanted to take her somewhere special for her birthday, so we packed her up in the car and headed to Grant's Farm (about a 45 minute drive). We planned on grabbing something to eat there, but Kimber planned to start throwing a fit before we arrived. The last 15 minutes were horrible with her screaming in the backseat but we finally made it.... AND IT WAS CLOSED! Closed to the public for a private event! You've GOT to be kidding me!!!

We stopped so Pat could climb in the back seat to try to make her happy but she wasn't having it and was now livid! We finally found somewhere to eat, grabbed her some food and she just continued to hysterically cry, scream, thrash, and throw her fit. Great!

Somehow, someway, she finally calmed down and we decided to hit up a park that was on the way home. We pull in and.... Fall Festival.... Seriously?!?!? We decided we'd go ahead and park and just take her on the playground and carousel a couple times and call it a day. As we walked  up to the park we noticed that the stupid Fall Festival had the whole playground blocked off and it cost $5 a person to get in! Almost in tears I mumbled that I was in no way paying $15 to play on a freakin playground and walked off.

Determined to have some fun on my only child's first birthday, we then headed to a park that was literally 10 minutes from our house. We should of just went there to begin with, but no, I had to waste an entire afternoon on trying to make a day my kid won't remember special. Thus, I dub this an epic mommy fail!


Friday, October 7, 2011


I have a confession... I am in LOVE with Dave Grohl, so when I heard Foos were coming to STL I was allll over it! Seriously, most epic concert of my life!

The opening bands aren't even worth wasting time to write about so I'll just jump right in to the main event. They played a few songs and then he stopped to talk. As I stared in total awe of being in the same room as Mr. Grohl he proceeded to ask if anyone had been to one of their shows before. Some cheered, but quite a few were silent. Then he asked how many Foo Fighter virgins were out there, and we all screamed. He was quiet for a bit and said, wow, that's a lot.... Where the f*** have you guys been the past SIXTEEN YEARS????? I mean, you couldn't even make it out to ONE show?!?! And with that hilarious sarcastic comment I knew right then that he became my all time favorite artist. Sarcasm is my middle name so obviously me and Dave are a match made in heaven!

So we rocked, and we rocked hard, and it came time for the show to end. They walked off stage where they had just given an epic performance and I couldn't believe it was over. For the last 2 hours I had turned into a giddy little girl, screaming and dancing with every song and I loved every minute of it! Every. single. second. 

All of a sudden there was Dave, with a night vision camera, looking at the crowd from the big screen. He motioned that he couldn't quite hear his adoring fans screams, so we all screamed louder, not wanting the night to end. He held up one finger, and acted as if they were coming back out. We went crazy. Then there was the drummer, motioning they should do not one, but two songs! We screamed even louder. This charade went on until finally they got up to EIGHT! An 8 song encore? Unheard of, and completely amazing!

In total they played for three hours, best $100 I've ever spent on a concert and I will always see them when they are in town. Now, for some crappy camera pics:

The Friday before the concert was my last day in my old department, so they got me a card:

And when I flipped it over, I found this:

Mike made fun of me for liking FF and would always sing that song anytime he saw me. (Don't worry, I gave him trouble for his fav band being Radiohead!) So it was only appropriate that he write that on my card, and make my day :)