Well it's been a year, and reading my birth story still makes me cry. I'm sure most moms would say the same, however, most moms have tears of joy. I am not most moms...
Honestly, it still hurts.
Honestly, I'm still mad.
Honestly, I feel like I will never fully get over it.
Honestly, I feel I am scarred for life.
Remembering. Remembering makes me want to forget. Forget what though? It's not like I remember holding my precious daughter for the first time. I can't fondly look back on the memory of how I felt when I finally met my bundle of joy. I do not have any idea how she smelled, what I said, what my husband said, or what I thought. Nothing. I want to forget that I don't remember.
That is what hurts me the most. Not remembering. I was there, I am her mom, I should remember! How can you not? It's one of the biggest moments in a person's life! I feel like a horrible mother for not remembering. For thinking back a year ago and shuddering at the thought of my labor and subsequent infection. How can I have such negative thoughts about such a glorious day?
Then I think... If we have another baby, and I do remember their birth... that it will only remind me of what I missed out on before.
Showing posts with label Random. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random. Show all posts
Friday, October 14, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I've kinda been a bit busy....
- I started my new job at work almost a month ago and I'm still lovin it! It's a little strange right now because I don't think my team knows exactly what I'm going to be doing so I'm worried they may not like me... I'm going to be auditing their work... yikes! I've already made a new spreadsheet, or rather, re-vamped the one that the lead was using, and now I'm just trying to work my butt off to prove myself.
- I've been working on getting the house (or at least the main floor) done. I've added some decor and painted a few more things. We only have a couple more big projects to take on and my goal is to get it all done before Christmas! We'll see if it actually happens, but so far this week I've worked around the house every night except for last night. I've even started making lists for weekend chores, so we don't say 'oh we need to do x,y,z' and nothing ever gets done.
- I'm going to a chiropractor! The last time we were at the lake I thought I just slept funny because the next morning my back hurt. Well after a month of not being able to bend over I decided I should probably have it checked out. Turns out my lower back pain is because of muscle spasms and inflamed muscles, but he also found a few more things. My left hip is rotated back and my right hip is rotated forward, making my left leg shorter than my right, and my left shoulder lower than my right. My ribs are popping out of place where they meet my ribcage, and I've got a nice little curve going on at the base of my neck. Whew, to think I thought my only problem was my lower back! :) I should be good as new by February though and I'm more than looking forward to it!
- Kimber met Dr. Young a few weeks ago. Is it bad that I miss my gyno? Shockingly, she let him pick her up! Normally she isn't too keen on strangers, but maybe they have a special bond :) As we were leaving he gave her her first sucker, I think they are going to be friends for life over that sucker!
- Speaking of Kimber and doctors, she had her blood drawn last week. It went better than I would of hoped. She was more mad at the fact that we were holding her down than at the needle. She was actually the most calm when she was being stuck! I'm telling you, you can't make her do anything... she's going to do what she wants to do or someone's going to pay :) I think I'm going to be in big trouble through the teen years!!!
- And lastly, and really the biggest reason why I've been so busy... I am now a mother to a TODDLER! haha
- I've been working on getting the house (or at least the main floor) done. I've added some decor and painted a few more things. We only have a couple more big projects to take on and my goal is to get it all done before Christmas! We'll see if it actually happens, but so far this week I've worked around the house every night except for last night. I've even started making lists for weekend chores, so we don't say 'oh we need to do x,y,z' and nothing ever gets done.
- I'm going to a chiropractor! The last time we were at the lake I thought I just slept funny because the next morning my back hurt. Well after a month of not being able to bend over I decided I should probably have it checked out. Turns out my lower back pain is because of muscle spasms and inflamed muscles, but he also found a few more things. My left hip is rotated back and my right hip is rotated forward, making my left leg shorter than my right, and my left shoulder lower than my right. My ribs are popping out of place where they meet my ribcage, and I've got a nice little curve going on at the base of my neck. Whew, to think I thought my only problem was my lower back! :) I should be good as new by February though and I'm more than looking forward to it!
- Kimber met Dr. Young a few weeks ago. Is it bad that I miss my gyno? Shockingly, she let him pick her up! Normally she isn't too keen on strangers, but maybe they have a special bond :) As we were leaving he gave her her first sucker, I think they are going to be friends for life over that sucker!
- Speaking of Kimber and doctors, she had her blood drawn last week. It went better than I would of hoped. She was more mad at the fact that we were holding her down than at the needle. She was actually the most calm when she was being stuck! I'm telling you, you can't make her do anything... she's going to do what she wants to do or someone's going to pay :) I think I'm going to be in big trouble through the teen years!!!
- And lastly, and really the biggest reason why I've been so busy... I am now a mother to a TODDLER! haha
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Vent? Here? Why not :)
Blah, I super hate reading grumpy posts so if you're like me you may want to tune out on this one. I just need a little time to vent, get it all out, and move on and what better place to do it than here?
This week has just been crap from day one. Monday I got back from vacation only to find that not one single person covered my desk and I am now swamped! We had training on how to do every state's affidavits so I'm not understanding why they couldn't of been handed out to the team for just one week, I don't think that's too much to ask. Seriously almost in tears, and you know why? Because I freakin care! I care that these things have just sat there for a week since I was gone. I felt like I couldn't take vacation because no one can help me out, and it felt like crap! Luckily I have the best daughter on the planet and she was still able to make me smile that night.
Rewind to the week before I went on vacation. We were told we have to do mandatory 5 hours of overtime a week. So now, I'm working from 6:30 to 4 and I wouldn't be complaining, except for the above mentioned kiddo I have to take care of. I really do not enjoy trying to rush out of the house to try to drop her off at the sitter's by 6, only to not be able to pick her up until 4:15. By the time I get home I only get to see her for 90 minutes until it's bedtime.. but hold that thought... As of yesterday we are expected to work 8 hours of OT! EIGHT!?!?!? So that would basically mean I would need to work 3 - 10 hour days and 2 - 9 hour days, which then in turn means that on my 10 hour days I would see Kimber for 30 minutes... The 30 minutes it takes to do her night-time routine. I'm sorry, but I have a pretty big issue with that.
My job is no longer my life. I enjoy what I do and give my all while I'm there, however, I think taking 40 hours a week away from my kid is enough. Please don't make me give up 8 more hours a week with her! I love her way too much. That's 8 hours of hugs and kisses, discovering and exploring, playing and snuggling and I don't know that I can give that up.
Now for the part that makes this all even that much worse. The part that made me cry last night. I had an opportunity to get out of this department.... and I turned it down... Bottom line, momma needs a raise. We're doing just fine right now, but if I want another kid in the near future I need a bigger raise than the annual one we get so I was going to switch departments, get more money, and it would be a win win. They didn't offer me more money, and thus, I turned the job down. I know it was the right thing to do because I would of been stuck in the new department for a year making the same amount I do now, and to be honest, I really do like my job. Even knowing I made the right decision, now it seems so wrong to of stayed. Now that they are taking away time with my family, which to me is worth more than any amount of money.
So that's where I'm at right now, it's not pretty, but hey, no one said being a working mom would be pretty! Fingers crossed things will work out because I don't know how I'm going to be able to juggle all this...
This week has just been crap from day one. Monday I got back from vacation only to find that not one single person covered my desk and I am now swamped! We had training on how to do every state's affidavits so I'm not understanding why they couldn't of been handed out to the team for just one week, I don't think that's too much to ask. Seriously almost in tears, and you know why? Because I freakin care! I care that these things have just sat there for a week since I was gone. I felt like I couldn't take vacation because no one can help me out, and it felt like crap! Luckily I have the best daughter on the planet and she was still able to make me smile that night.
Rewind to the week before I went on vacation. We were told we have to do mandatory 5 hours of overtime a week. So now, I'm working from 6:30 to 4 and I wouldn't be complaining, except for the above mentioned kiddo I have to take care of. I really do not enjoy trying to rush out of the house to try to drop her off at the sitter's by 6, only to not be able to pick her up until 4:15. By the time I get home I only get to see her for 90 minutes until it's bedtime.. but hold that thought... As of yesterday we are expected to work 8 hours of OT! EIGHT!?!?!? So that would basically mean I would need to work 3 - 10 hour days and 2 - 9 hour days, which then in turn means that on my 10 hour days I would see Kimber for 30 minutes... The 30 minutes it takes to do her night-time routine. I'm sorry, but I have a pretty big issue with that.
My job is no longer my life. I enjoy what I do and give my all while I'm there, however, I think taking 40 hours a week away from my kid is enough. Please don't make me give up 8 more hours a week with her! I love her way too much. That's 8 hours of hugs and kisses, discovering and exploring, playing and snuggling and I don't know that I can give that up.
Now for the part that makes this all even that much worse. The part that made me cry last night. I had an opportunity to get out of this department.... and I turned it down... Bottom line, momma needs a raise. We're doing just fine right now, but if I want another kid in the near future I need a bigger raise than the annual one we get so I was going to switch departments, get more money, and it would be a win win. They didn't offer me more money, and thus, I turned the job down. I know it was the right thing to do because I would of been stuck in the new department for a year making the same amount I do now, and to be honest, I really do like my job. Even knowing I made the right decision, now it seems so wrong to of stayed. Now that they are taking away time with my family, which to me is worth more than any amount of money.
So that's where I'm at right now, it's not pretty, but hey, no one said being a working mom would be pretty! Fingers crossed things will work out because I don't know how I'm going to be able to juggle all this...
Monday, June 27, 2011
Marriage Post-Baby
I feel like I need to talk about this as I know when we were expecting it wasn't ever a topic that came up. While I was reading about how hard it is to be parents, and what to expect of labor and delivery I never once thought that my marriage would change.
I feel, as moms, a lot of stress is put on us to be perfect. To have the perfect child, the cleanest home, the nicest cars, and the best husband. We should only gain 20ish pounds while pregnant, never have stretch marks appear, and be down to our pre-pregnancy pants by the time we leave the hospital. We read all the books, buy all the new fangled devices and are expected to have this parenting thing down by the time your hospital stay is over. Heck, I had 9 months to prepare, why wouldn't I be ready?
Can I just say that's a LOT that's expected of us, and we try, I tried, so hard to live up to all these expectations. I agonized over decisions on how I wanted to parent. Should we hold her? Should we let her cry? Is she hungry? Should we be feeding her more? Should we bring her in bed with us? If we do will she be sleeping with us until she's 5? Then you finally make a decision and second guess yourself if you don't see the results you were hoping for... and sometimes even if you get the results you want you still second guess yourself...
With all of this, marriage is put on a back burner. Not that we did/do it on purpose, or that we love each other any less, it's just hard to make the time when you have this little addition to your family that demands so much of your time and energy. It's pretty hard to admit that my marriage wasn't a priority of mine for a few months. Nothing was wrong with my marriage and I love my husband to pieces, however, not making time to be 'married' (I think) took a toll on us. We just became more crabby and lost in our new found parenting roles.
I think it is very important to not forget that I am a wife AND a mom. My husband and kid have two completely different set of needs from me, and I think in the beginning I thought by being a good mom I was taking care of my wifely obligations as well. (Of course as I type that I sound so old-timey!) However, once we actually realized what was happening we started a conversation, and to be quite honest, it's still an on-going conversation.
Here are some things that work for us:
- Never go to bed angry. - I know how dumb that sounds, but it seriously works.
- Ask for help. - Ok, so I'm not so good at this one. I find myself telling Pat all the time that he should just know what to do. He can't read my mind though and I really need to get better at communicating my needs to him.
- Go on dates. - We rarely get to do this, but we are trying to make it a point every month or so. It's just nice to get out of the house and spend some quality time together.
- Fun time as a family. - We actually just started that this weekend. We went to the zoo and just left all the chores, laundry, dishes etc for another day. It's enjoyable to just go have family fun because you can!
- Talk, talk, and talk some more. - I think this is one of our strong points as a married couple. My tone may not always be appropriate (yet another thing I need to work on) but at least we always talk about everything! Always!
- Take turns. - We take turns putting Kimber to bed, changing diapers, getting up with her on the weekends, and playing with her during the week. It's nice to know that I get to sleep in on Sundays no matter what, or that if she was difficult to get to go to sleep one night that it's Pat's turn the next. It goes without saying that splitting stuff up makes this whole parenting thing a little less overwhelming.
- Assigned chores. - I'm pretty anal about how I clean so Pat takes care of his office, the laundry, and trash. He also helps with Kimber while I do my cleaning spree on the weekends. Again, this helps with that overwhelming feeling :)
I'm sure there are more things that we do, and will do in the future and it's taken us nine months to figure out that we shouldn't neglect each other just because we have an amazing, adorable, fantastic, beautiful daughter. For us, it just comes down to finding that balance and I'm sure it will be ever adjusting. One thing I know for sure, I am very much looking forward to spending the rest of my life enjoying every moment I get to be married to such a great guy!
I feel, as moms, a lot of stress is put on us to be perfect. To have the perfect child, the cleanest home, the nicest cars, and the best husband. We should only gain 20ish pounds while pregnant, never have stretch marks appear, and be down to our pre-pregnancy pants by the time we leave the hospital. We read all the books, buy all the new fangled devices and are expected to have this parenting thing down by the time your hospital stay is over. Heck, I had 9 months to prepare, why wouldn't I be ready?
Can I just say that's a LOT that's expected of us, and we try, I tried, so hard to live up to all these expectations. I agonized over decisions on how I wanted to parent. Should we hold her? Should we let her cry? Is she hungry? Should we be feeding her more? Should we bring her in bed with us? If we do will she be sleeping with us until she's 5? Then you finally make a decision and second guess yourself if you don't see the results you were hoping for... and sometimes even if you get the results you want you still second guess yourself...
With all of this, marriage is put on a back burner. Not that we did/do it on purpose, or that we love each other any less, it's just hard to make the time when you have this little addition to your family that demands so much of your time and energy. It's pretty hard to admit that my marriage wasn't a priority of mine for a few months. Nothing was wrong with my marriage and I love my husband to pieces, however, not making time to be 'married' (I think) took a toll on us. We just became more crabby and lost in our new found parenting roles.
I think it is very important to not forget that I am a wife AND a mom. My husband and kid have two completely different set of needs from me, and I think in the beginning I thought by being a good mom I was taking care of my wifely obligations as well. (Of course as I type that I sound so old-timey!) However, once we actually realized what was happening we started a conversation, and to be quite honest, it's still an on-going conversation.
Here are some things that work for us:
- Never go to bed angry. - I know how dumb that sounds, but it seriously works.
- Ask for help. - Ok, so I'm not so good at this one. I find myself telling Pat all the time that he should just know what to do. He can't read my mind though and I really need to get better at communicating my needs to him.
- Go on dates. - We rarely get to do this, but we are trying to make it a point every month or so. It's just nice to get out of the house and spend some quality time together.
- Fun time as a family. - We actually just started that this weekend. We went to the zoo and just left all the chores, laundry, dishes etc for another day. It's enjoyable to just go have family fun because you can!
- Talk, talk, and talk some more. - I think this is one of our strong points as a married couple. My tone may not always be appropriate (yet another thing I need to work on) but at least we always talk about everything! Always!
- Take turns. - We take turns putting Kimber to bed, changing diapers, getting up with her on the weekends, and playing with her during the week. It's nice to know that I get to sleep in on Sundays no matter what, or that if she was difficult to get to go to sleep one night that it's Pat's turn the next. It goes without saying that splitting stuff up makes this whole parenting thing a little less overwhelming.
- Assigned chores. - I'm pretty anal about how I clean so Pat takes care of his office, the laundry, and trash. He also helps with Kimber while I do my cleaning spree on the weekends. Again, this helps with that overwhelming feeling :)
I'm sure there are more things that we do, and will do in the future and it's taken us nine months to figure out that we shouldn't neglect each other just because we have an amazing, adorable, fantastic, beautiful daughter. For us, it just comes down to finding that balance and I'm sure it will be ever adjusting. One thing I know for sure, I am very much looking forward to spending the rest of my life enjoying every moment I get to be married to such a great guy!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
5 Things
I thought I'd do a random post that might be kinda fun.
5 Things I Love
(other than family)
 |
| Seriously, how hot is the cast of Vampire Diaries? |
1. House, no not my house, the show House. Along with Vampire Diaries and The Voice. There are a few other recorded things we watch but right now those 3 are my must see during the week.
2. Nice weather. I'm talkin 73 degrees, no humidity kind of days. I'm not a lover of heat so I wouldn't be sad if summer was the season that STL passed over instead of spring!
3. My job.... most days. Everyone has those days where they're ready to just walk out and say forget it, but (for the most part) I enjoy what I do. I get to work with numbers a little and basically audit stuff. I also enjoy getting on the phone with the attorneys we deal with and learning new things. Other than the fact I wish I was paid more, I'd say I'm 90% happy with where I'm at.
4. I'm obsessed! I love me some Coke Zero. Only out of a can though... once they started carrying it as a fountain soda I was super excited but after tasting it, nothing compares to a nice cold CAN of Zero.
5. Doing crafty stuff. I haven't really done much crafty stuff since our wedding and that was over 2 years ago. Maybe that's why I've already started making some of Kimber's first birthday decorations!
5 Things I Dislike
1. Sorry, not a cat lover.... at all. Especially after having a litter of kittens living under our front porch. Not a fan! Plus, they smell, or at least their litter box does... yuck!
2. Stretch marks. Let me explain. Normally I am not a fan of mom's complaining about weight and/or stretch marks they've gained along the way... You housed another human being for crying out loud, give yourself a break! Now, am I glad I got them, no. Do I wish they would just vanish, yes. Am I going to try every scheme to get them to disappear? No. Bottom line though, I'm okay with them... the only ones that even bother me are the ones I got on the back of my leg, behind my knee (my legs swelled REAL bad) and the ONLY reason I am a tad bit perturbed by them is that I love capris, and even though I'm okay with my stretch marks, I do not want to go around showing them off.... and thus, my love for capris has ended.... sadly...
3. Home renovations. I LOVE how our bathroom turned out, however, the time it took to get it looking like that was 3 times longer than we thought it would take. Plus it's super expensive. I guess this is on my mind because we have to finish the basement, re-do the kitchen and living area, and turn the 'bedroom' back into a garage before we have another kid. Or at least that's the plan.... in a perfect world...
4. Lady Gaga. Enough said.
5. Yep, this girl does NOT like her veggies. I'll eat raw carrots, green beans, and lettuce but anything other than that and I'm OUT!
5 Things I Cannot Live Without
1. My phone. Dumb, I know, but it's how I stay in contact with people. Whether it's Facebook, blogger, text messaging, phone calls, or e-mails it's my lifeline.
2. Pledge, Scrubbing Bubbles, and 409. Oh and Windex. I will buy the off brand on just about anything, but not my cleaning supplies. It's the one thing I'm pretty picky about.
3. Tattoos. I love them, and I want more.
4. My camera. I love documenting Kimber growing up... as you can tell from my five million pictures of her on my Facebook account.
5. My husband and daughter. I know that if I ever lost either one of them I wouldn't be able to go on. Just the thought of not having one of them around brings tears to my eyes. They are my life, my world, the reason I get up everyday, the people that make me want to be a better person, and I love them with every inch of my being.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Kitties? Anyone? Bueller?
The hoosiers that live at the end of our street have a bunch of stray cats. Now, whatever they do is their business... until it affects me...
Last Wednesday I saw one of the cats in our bush, no biggie. Then Thursday I heard rustling in our bushes and told Pat about it, well he text me when I was at work and said we had a litter of kittens in our bush. I made a call to animal control that went something like this:
Me: Hello?
AC: Yeah...
Me: I was just wondering how we go about getting a litter of kittens picked up... Do we need to be home? Or can you just come by and get them?
AC: Well, I can't take the babies if I can't get the mom and I don't even have a trap on my truck right now...
Me: So are you telling me we have to catch the mom before you'll come get the kittens????
AC: Well, I don't have a trap on my truck right now... What's your address? (I tell him) Oh there's already a trap on your street.
Me: Ok... so am I just supposed to live with these cats living at my house?
AC: Uhhh, I don't even know if the mom's feral and I can't take the babies if I can't catch the mom because they will die without her, but I probably won't be able to catch the mom so...
And it got progressively worse from there... When I got home there was a trap set up in between our two bushes with a can of cat food in it... the metal lid from the can? Thrown in our front yard... Real professional if you ask me!
Fast forward to today, it's storming real bad and we came home to the trap on our front porch with one of the kittens in it. Now, as much as I'm NOT a cat person, it was pretty sad to see that little kitten, cold and wet, sitting in the cage. So we let him/her out. What were we supposed to do? Maybe it would of died over night and that's just sad, it's not their fault... I thought about trying to catch them and walking down to the hoosiers at the end of the street and asking if they would mind getting their damn cats fixed... problem being, we cannot catch the cats. So I guess for now they will make their home (6 kittens and a mom) under our porch. I don't know what other options we have at this point.
Speaking of hoosier neighbors, I spent Saturday afternoon being entertained by the people that live across the street. This lady apparently lives with her mother, who I'm guessing is ill because she just sits in her bedroom and smokes and only leaves the house when the Oats van comes to get her. Speaking of, I haven't seen her in her room in a while.... hmmm.... Anyways, she wrecked a car so it's been parked in her driveway since before I had Kimber. Saturday the real fun happened... fat chick in a moo-moo, another chick showed up with her two kids (3 or 4 yr olds), one just wearing a diaper, and an old dude working on her other non-working car. The kid in the diaper proceeded to 'pick' flowers from the flower bed and the chick that lives there came out and asked her 'What the hell she was doing???' Now, the word picked is in quotes because the woman has 'planted' FAKE FLOWERS.... And of course, I have a photo for proof:
Gosh I love our neighbors and cannot wait to spend the rest of our days living in this house ***insert sarcasm***
Last Wednesday I saw one of the cats in our bush, no biggie. Then Thursday I heard rustling in our bushes and told Pat about it, well he text me when I was at work and said we had a litter of kittens in our bush. I made a call to animal control that went something like this:
Me: Hello?
AC: Yeah...
Me: I was just wondering how we go about getting a litter of kittens picked up... Do we need to be home? Or can you just come by and get them?
AC: Well, I can't take the babies if I can't get the mom and I don't even have a trap on my truck right now...
Me: So are you telling me we have to catch the mom before you'll come get the kittens????
AC: Well, I don't have a trap on my truck right now... What's your address? (I tell him) Oh there's already a trap on your street.
Me: Ok... so am I just supposed to live with these cats living at my house?
AC: Uhhh, I don't even know if the mom's feral and I can't take the babies if I can't catch the mom because they will die without her, but I probably won't be able to catch the mom so...
And it got progressively worse from there... When I got home there was a trap set up in between our two bushes with a can of cat food in it... the metal lid from the can? Thrown in our front yard... Real professional if you ask me!
Fast forward to today, it's storming real bad and we came home to the trap on our front porch with one of the kittens in it. Now, as much as I'm NOT a cat person, it was pretty sad to see that little kitten, cold and wet, sitting in the cage. So we let him/her out. What were we supposed to do? Maybe it would of died over night and that's just sad, it's not their fault... I thought about trying to catch them and walking down to the hoosiers at the end of the street and asking if they would mind getting their damn cats fixed... problem being, we cannot catch the cats. So I guess for now they will make their home (6 kittens and a mom) under our porch. I don't know what other options we have at this point.
Speaking of hoosier neighbors, I spent Saturday afternoon being entertained by the people that live across the street. This lady apparently lives with her mother, who I'm guessing is ill because she just sits in her bedroom and smokes and only leaves the house when the Oats van comes to get her. Speaking of, I haven't seen her in her room in a while.... hmmm.... Anyways, she wrecked a car so it's been parked in her driveway since before I had Kimber. Saturday the real fun happened... fat chick in a moo-moo, another chick showed up with her two kids (3 or 4 yr olds), one just wearing a diaper, and an old dude working on her other non-working car. The kid in the diaper proceeded to 'pick' flowers from the flower bed and the chick that lives there came out and asked her 'What the hell she was doing???' Now, the word picked is in quotes because the woman has 'planted' FAKE FLOWERS.... And of course, I have a photo for proof:
Gosh I love our neighbors and cannot wait to spend the rest of our days living in this house ***insert sarcasm***
Traditions
We don't really have any traditions and that kind of bums me out a little. We decided that one thing we are going to go every year is that we're going to get a movie as a Christmas gift and then after all the hoopla of the festivities we will come home, as a family, and watch said movie. This past year was Despicable Me.
That's all fine and dandy, but I want more... We then decided that (if we are able to) I'd like to continue to pass on the diamond in my wedding ring. The only problem would be if we had more than one girl. I figure if we have a boy we can help him pay for a ring for his fiancée, but she probably wouldn't care to have a diamond from her MIL :)
My mom gave it to Pat to put in my ring. The diamond actually came from her ring when she married my biological father, so at first I was hesitant on taking it since we joked that our marriage would be doomed to fail.... but... my mom informed me that bio dad didn't actually pay for the diamond and that my great aunt did so that made it all better.
But I want more.... I don't know what else though. I don't want to just Google 'family traditions' and steal something from there. If I liked real trees, I'd go to a tree farm every year and cut down our own Christmas tree.
I plan on making photo album scrapbook type things throughout her life, but the cooler thing I plan on doing is a scrapbook for when she's a mom. I'm going to write about my pregnancy, birth, her first year by months, and then write synopsis' for each year of her life and I plan on giving it to her the day she has her first kid. I'm real excited about it and need to start so I don't forget things about the first few months. Maybe I'll post each of them here... hmmm....
That's all fine and dandy, but I want more... We then decided that (if we are able to) I'd like to continue to pass on the diamond in my wedding ring. The only problem would be if we had more than one girl. I figure if we have a boy we can help him pay for a ring for his fiancée, but she probably wouldn't care to have a diamond from her MIL :)
But I want more.... I don't know what else though. I don't want to just Google 'family traditions' and steal something from there. If I liked real trees, I'd go to a tree farm every year and cut down our own Christmas tree.
I plan on making photo album scrapbook type things throughout her life, but the cooler thing I plan on doing is a scrapbook for when she's a mom. I'm going to write about my pregnancy, birth, her first year by months, and then write synopsis' for each year of her life and I plan on giving it to her the day she has her first kid. I'm real excited about it and need to start so I don't forget things about the first few months. Maybe I'll post each of them here... hmmm....
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
I am???
(Warning: Pointless Post Follows)
Sometimes I don't know who I am anymore... I'm not sure if it's that I don't recognize this 'adult' I've become or if I've just become lost in the everyday.
I was talking to my husband about this tonight because I feel like I wake up as a mom, drop Kimber off at daycare and become a working mom, come home and am a wife (cooking dinner) and a mom, then when she goes to bed I my mom hat off and become solely a wife. When do I get to be me?
Then as I further thought about it... that IS me. I am a wife and a mom, and nothing less. I'm exactly what my child and husband need me to be. Not only that but that's what I need to be... I need to be a good mom, I need to be a good wife. Those two 'jobs' are so rewarding and make my life fulfilled in a way I could never imagine.
I seriously wish everyone could experience the amount of love I feel on a daily basis. The laughs produced by Kimber when all I do is smile in her direction, the 'thank yous' I get from my husband after cooking dinner, and the endless other ways they show their love for me, and I, in return show my love for them by taking care of them the best I know how. That's what defines me, my love for my family.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Not your average Friday
Have you had those days at your job where you really question why you even bother? Well today was one of those days. I have never felt so, ugh I don't even know what word to use... disrespected, unacknowledged, dismissed, ignored, etc. So I went on our website and looked for other jobs at my company, yes, it was that bad of a day.
A girl from work was going to come over for a bitch fest, but her hubby was sore from surgery he had last week so she stayed home to take care of the baby... Who, by the way, will be Kimber's prom date one day :) Turns out, it was a good thing she stayed home.
I had just put missy to bed and tornado sirens went off, we turned on the news and they said we were in a tornado watch until 7:45, no biggie. Around 7:35 it started hailing, getting really windy, and just down right nasty outside. For the first time, I was scared. All I kept thinking about was a tornado hitting our house and Kimber being sucked up in it! Then a felt sick to my stomach at the thought of losing her. Being a parent is defiantly rough on emotions!
We decided to go to the basement. I scooped Kimber out of bed and headed downstairs. We sat on the floor in the spare bedroom and I rocked her, praying she wouldn't wake up. We stayed until the storm passed and I went and laid her back down in bed. You know, she never even made a peep? Shocking that we've come this far with her sleeping.
After today I plan on spending my Saturday (while my husband is working) snuggling with Kimber, and napping together. Can't wait!
A girl from work was going to come over for a bitch fest, but her hubby was sore from surgery he had last week so she stayed home to take care of the baby... Who, by the way, will be Kimber's prom date one day :) Turns out, it was a good thing she stayed home.
I had just put missy to bed and tornado sirens went off, we turned on the news and they said we were in a tornado watch until 7:45, no biggie. Around 7:35 it started hailing, getting really windy, and just down right nasty outside. For the first time, I was scared. All I kept thinking about was a tornado hitting our house and Kimber being sucked up in it! Then a felt sick to my stomach at the thought of losing her. Being a parent is defiantly rough on emotions!
We decided to go to the basement. I scooped Kimber out of bed and headed downstairs. We sat on the floor in the spare bedroom and I rocked her, praying she wouldn't wake up. We stayed until the storm passed and I went and laid her back down in bed. You know, she never even made a peep? Shocking that we've come this far with her sleeping.
After today I plan on spending my Saturday (while my husband is working) snuggling with Kimber, and napping together. Can't wait!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Who's a planner? That'd be me!
I like to know where my life is going. I know there are some (ok, many) things I cannot plan, however, I like to try. I think planning, for me, sets goals for myself. For instance, our home remodeling... I like to plan specific dates to do stuff, because if it were just up to Pat or me to get things started it'd never get done. We get so wrapped up with what's going on with our little family that it's hard to make time for other things that we need to work on.
Now that we are grown-ups (I consider us grown-ups because we now have a mortgage and a child lol) I've kind of started thinking about our future. How many kids do we want? How far apart in age are they going to be? What kind of house are we going to buy when we grow out of this one?
Mainly, we've been discussing lately when we want to bring another Baby B<3 into this world :) Ever since Kimber was born I've been saying I can't wait to be pregnant again, I can't wait for Kimber to have a sibling and for our family to grow even more. However, now that we are actually, seriously discussing when we want to have another kid, I'm terrified.
There are the 'every mom fears' that I have: Will baby #2 be healthy? How hard will it be going from one kid to two? Will baby #2 take attention away from baby #1? Etc... trust me, the list goes on...
Then there are my other fears. Will I have another infection? How can I take care of two kids if I'm that sick again? What if something goes wrong with my c-section? There are a never ending list of fears that I associate with giving birth. While, yes, I had fears the first time around, they are nothing like the fears I have now.
I remember one night in particular when I had the wound vac. Kimber woke up in the middle of the night, crying to be fed. I got up, unplugged my vac from the wall charger and tried to make my way in to get her... I couldn't get out of my bedroom! The cord from me was tangled with the cord that charges it and there I stood, in my bedroom doorway, sobbing while my child cried in the other room and I couldn't get to her.
I will never forget that night for as long as I live and I never want to feel that helpless again, which makes the thought of having another kid exciting and terrifying, all at the same time.
Now that we are grown-ups (I consider us grown-ups because we now have a mortgage and a child lol) I've kind of started thinking about our future. How many kids do we want? How far apart in age are they going to be? What kind of house are we going to buy when we grow out of this one?
Mainly, we've been discussing lately when we want to bring another Baby B<3 into this world :) Ever since Kimber was born I've been saying I can't wait to be pregnant again, I can't wait for Kimber to have a sibling and for our family to grow even more. However, now that we are actually, seriously discussing when we want to have another kid, I'm terrified.
There are the 'every mom fears' that I have: Will baby #2 be healthy? How hard will it be going from one kid to two? Will baby #2 take attention away from baby #1? Etc... trust me, the list goes on...
Then there are my other fears. Will I have another infection? How can I take care of two kids if I'm that sick again? What if something goes wrong with my c-section? There are a never ending list of fears that I associate with giving birth. While, yes, I had fears the first time around, they are nothing like the fears I have now.
I remember one night in particular when I had the wound vac. Kimber woke up in the middle of the night, crying to be fed. I got up, unplugged my vac from the wall charger and tried to make my way in to get her... I couldn't get out of my bedroom! The cord from me was tangled with the cord that charges it and there I stood, in my bedroom doorway, sobbing while my child cried in the other room and I couldn't get to her.
I will never forget that night for as long as I live and I never want to feel that helpless again, which makes the thought of having another kid exciting and terrifying, all at the same time.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Reading!!!
I've finally picked up a couple books. The last time I read anything was 2 summers ago when I finished the Twilight Saga, yes, I love them! The way Stephenie Meyer writes makes it impossible for me to put down her books.
Anyways, at work I review affidavits and printing 5 can take up to a hour so I decided it would be the perfect time to read. First I read Vampire Diaries:
I'm not too sure how I like it. It's hard for me to read them because I watch the show and the two are so different. It's almost as if I'm reading a completely different story line. Eventually I will pick up the second in the series but for now I'm taking a break.
Currently I'm reading Hunger Games.
I cannot put this book down! Apparently I'm the last person on Earth to hear about this book. I've taken it on breaks and had multiple strangers comment on how good it is, guess I don't keep up on the book world. It's set in the future in North America which is called Panem in the book. Basically each year they draw one boy and one girls name from each district (there are 12) and the 24 people (tributes between the age of 12-18) fight to the death in Hunger Games. Whoever wins, their district gets gifts for a year. I'm almost finished with it and can't wait to start the next book in the trilogy.
Next I'm going to read The Host.
I just love how Stephenie Meyer writes so I'm interested to see how good this book is. To be honest I'm not sure what it's even about
I don't really know how to go about picking books. I always pick ones that are boring and uninteresting to me, so I guess I'll have to start reading reviews before heading to the library. I'm truly excited about reading again!
Anyways, at work I review affidavits and printing 5 can take up to a hour so I decided it would be the perfect time to read. First I read Vampire Diaries:
Currently I'm reading Hunger Games.
Next I'm going to read The Host.
I just love how Stephenie Meyer writes so I'm interested to see how good this book is. To be honest I'm not sure what it's even about
I don't really know how to go about picking books. I always pick ones that are boring and uninteresting to me, so I guess I'll have to start reading reviews before heading to the library. I'm truly excited about reading again!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Honesty
It's time I'm honest with myself about a few things I'm unhappy with.
First, I picked up smoking again. It was so easy to quit when I knew it could affect someone other than myself, and even while I was on maternity leave I didn't pick it back up again. Once I returned to work I found myself going out on breaks with the smokers, then eventually I'd bum one, and then caved and bought a pack. We quit for a few weeks but I don't actually want to quit. I enjoy my breaks at work, and my 5 minutes of peaceful breaks at home where I'm doing something that I want to do, not a chore of being a wife and mother. I know I shouldn't want to smoke, but I do, it's something that I enjoy and I can't explain it better than that.
With all that being said I'm getting $2,500 worth of work done on my teeth and I will not be smoking after that. I don't want to quit but I also don't want to spend all that money just to turn my teeth yellow. It's going to be super hard, and something I'm not looking forward to but I'm going to do it. I already feel sorry for my husband who is going to have to be by my crabby side for this!
Secondly, and this is harder for me to come to terms with, I hate being fat. I gained a little weight when Pat and I started dating and then when I got pregnant I couldn't believe how much weight I put on. I planned on being close to my pre-pregnancy weight by the time I went back to work and I'm not even close, 6 months later. In part I blame all the problems I had after I had her. By the time I was well enough to get out of the house the weather sucked. Now though, I'm just being lazy.
I'm unhappy with the way I look but I have pretty much no idea where to begin to fix that. I started taking Kimber on walks (about 1 1/4 miles) at night and I plan on changing what we eat for dinner. That is a hassle too though, I have about 10 dinners that I can pretty much make without looking at the recipe. So now I'm going to have to learn all new meals. I've thought about joining the Renaud Center to take classes, but then what do I do with Kimber? They do have daycare there but they won't feed bottles or change diapers, and it even states that they will come pull you out of a class if your child needs you.
I have a couple things to motivate me to loose weight (my brother's wedding where I'm going to be seeing my biological for the first time in years and Kimber's 1 year photo shoot in August) but apparently those things aren't really motivating me, huh? In a perfect world I think being healthy should be easy and being fat should take work! Wouldn't that be great?
First, I picked up smoking again. It was so easy to quit when I knew it could affect someone other than myself, and even while I was on maternity leave I didn't pick it back up again. Once I returned to work I found myself going out on breaks with the smokers, then eventually I'd bum one, and then caved and bought a pack. We quit for a few weeks but I don't actually want to quit. I enjoy my breaks at work, and my 5 minutes of peaceful breaks at home where I'm doing something that I want to do, not a chore of being a wife and mother. I know I shouldn't want to smoke, but I do, it's something that I enjoy and I can't explain it better than that.
With all that being said I'm getting $2,500 worth of work done on my teeth and I will not be smoking after that. I don't want to quit but I also don't want to spend all that money just to turn my teeth yellow. It's going to be super hard, and something I'm not looking forward to but I'm going to do it. I already feel sorry for my husband who is going to have to be by my crabby side for this!
Secondly, and this is harder for me to come to terms with, I hate being fat. I gained a little weight when Pat and I started dating and then when I got pregnant I couldn't believe how much weight I put on. I planned on being close to my pre-pregnancy weight by the time I went back to work and I'm not even close, 6 months later. In part I blame all the problems I had after I had her. By the time I was well enough to get out of the house the weather sucked. Now though, I'm just being lazy.
I'm unhappy with the way I look but I have pretty much no idea where to begin to fix that. I started taking Kimber on walks (about 1 1/4 miles) at night and I plan on changing what we eat for dinner. That is a hassle too though, I have about 10 dinners that I can pretty much make without looking at the recipe. So now I'm going to have to learn all new meals. I've thought about joining the Renaud Center to take classes, but then what do I do with Kimber? They do have daycare there but they won't feed bottles or change diapers, and it even states that they will come pull you out of a class if your child needs you.
I have a couple things to motivate me to loose weight (my brother's wedding where I'm going to be seeing my biological for the first time in years and Kimber's 1 year photo shoot in August) but apparently those things aren't really motivating me, huh? In a perfect world I think being healthy should be easy and being fat should take work! Wouldn't that be great?
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Truths...
1. There are such things as ugly babies. You will never think your baby is ugly, and you possibly won't think it about a close friend's addition to their family, but you know as well as I do that you've seen ugly babies before! Not all babies are created equal and some are just cuter than others.
2. Strength comes from over-coming something that you didn't know you could. I've been thinking about strength a lot lately (probably b/c I'm getting it tattooed sometime soon), and I realized I am stronger having gone through things and experiencing things I never thought I would. I think I surprised myself at how strong I was through the birth/infection experience.
3. Men cannot multi-task. This has been a very hard truth to comprehend. Probably because all I do is multi-task all day long. It's become so apparent now that we have Kimber, and Pat cannot do anything else if he is watching her. While I can literally cook dinner one handed now, he can't even make a bottle. I'm not saying this to be mean to him because #1 it's the truth and #2 it's not a fault, I seriously think it's something all men cannot do. (Or if they can they either rarely do, or aren't good at it.)
4. Whatever you make your priority will consume your life. I was talking to a girl at work today and we were discussing babies, families, dating, etc and she made a comment about being dedicated to her job. I think that's the problem. She is so consumed with work she has no time for anything else. Again, not a bad thing, making your work a priority is a good thing, it makes you a valuable employee... however, if you want to date/start a family/etc. then make that your priority.
5. None of the good stuff comes easy. Marriage/Love/Relationships are hard work. Pat and I are constantly trying to come up with ways to make our marriage better. No, we're not struggling or unhappy, we just want to strive for better. I don't want to be stuck in the same rut with our relationship, I want it to continually grow. Being a parent, probably the most rewarding thing you can ever do, it a whole lotta hard work. Anyone can (and will) tell you that! School, careers, savings, home ownership, etc... all these things require hard work, but I think they're all worth it in the end!
2. Strength comes from over-coming something that you didn't know you could. I've been thinking about strength a lot lately (probably b/c I'm getting it tattooed sometime soon), and I realized I am stronger having gone through things and experiencing things I never thought I would. I think I surprised myself at how strong I was through the birth/infection experience.
3. Men cannot multi-task. This has been a very hard truth to comprehend. Probably because all I do is multi-task all day long. It's become so apparent now that we have Kimber, and Pat cannot do anything else if he is watching her. While I can literally cook dinner one handed now, he can't even make a bottle. I'm not saying this to be mean to him because #1 it's the truth and #2 it's not a fault, I seriously think it's something all men cannot do. (Or if they can they either rarely do, or aren't good at it.)
4. Whatever you make your priority will consume your life. I was talking to a girl at work today and we were discussing babies, families, dating, etc and she made a comment about being dedicated to her job. I think that's the problem. She is so consumed with work she has no time for anything else. Again, not a bad thing, making your work a priority is a good thing, it makes you a valuable employee... however, if you want to date/start a family/etc. then make that your priority.
5. None of the good stuff comes easy. Marriage/Love/Relationships are hard work. Pat and I are constantly trying to come up with ways to make our marriage better. No, we're not struggling or unhappy, we just want to strive for better. I don't want to be stuck in the same rut with our relationship, I want it to continually grow. Being a parent, probably the most rewarding thing you can ever do, it a whole lotta hard work. Anyone can (and will) tell you that! School, careers, savings, home ownership, etc... all these things require hard work, but I think they're all worth it in the end!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
ramblings
This has been such a strange weekend. First, I was pretty much kicked out of my house for the past two days while my dad and husband worked on the bathroom. All I've gotten out of them is that it was one problem after another, and they mentioned something about 5 trips to Lowe's today alone. Yikes!
Kimber and I hung out at my mom's house (I'm going to throw this in there, I hate that my computer underlines 'Kimber' like I misspelled her name, ugh!) all weekend, and it definitely messed with her schedule. My mom has dogs, like lots of dogs, and they kept barking and waking Kimber up while she was trying to nap. It made for one frustrated momma! On the bright side though, she was tired at 7 tonight which is her normal bedtime. I thought her routine would be messed up from daylight savings, but I guess no significant nap today put her right back on track for our bedtime routine tonight.
The strangest thing of all was that my biological father's wife requested to be my friend on Facebook. Ummm, no. I don't think so. Then she messages my brother's fiancée and told her that she wanted to reconnect with me but it wouldn't let her send me a message on Facebook, so to pass along a message to me that she would love to make peace. Just an FYI, you can't send me messages on Facebook if you aren't my friend anymore because my half-sister was sending me nasty messages! I have no problems being civil with this woman and her family, however, that does not mean that I want her or my biological father to be a part of my family's life. I have agonized over this decision for hours in lengthy conversations with Pat and have come to the conclusion that I will do whatever it takes to protect my family. I won't let these people back in our lives because I don't want to give them a chance to hurt any of us. I would never forgive myself if my daughter got treated the way I did by them. There were even issues before I found out about my brother, but the way they handled that situation just showed me their true colors and I would rather not associate with people like that.
One last random thing. My mom, sister and I took Kimber on a walk Friday night around my mom's subdivision and found an old firetruck parked in front of a house. I told my mom I had to get a picture with Kimber on it, so I unstrapped her, handed her to my sister who ran over and plopped her down on the truck. I'm still thankful the owner didn't come out and yell at us!
Hope everyone had a great weekend! I'm so not looking forward to going to work tomorrow!
Kimber and I hung out at my mom's house (I'm going to throw this in there, I hate that my computer underlines 'Kimber' like I misspelled her name, ugh!) all weekend, and it definitely messed with her schedule. My mom has dogs, like lots of dogs, and they kept barking and waking Kimber up while she was trying to nap. It made for one frustrated momma! On the bright side though, she was tired at 7 tonight which is her normal bedtime. I thought her routine would be messed up from daylight savings, but I guess no significant nap today put her right back on track for our bedtime routine tonight.
The strangest thing of all was that my biological father's wife requested to be my friend on Facebook. Ummm, no. I don't think so. Then she messages my brother's fiancée and told her that she wanted to reconnect with me but it wouldn't let her send me a message on Facebook, so to pass along a message to me that she would love to make peace. Just an FYI, you can't send me messages on Facebook if you aren't my friend anymore because my half-sister was sending me nasty messages! I have no problems being civil with this woman and her family, however, that does not mean that I want her or my biological father to be a part of my family's life. I have agonized over this decision for hours in lengthy conversations with Pat and have come to the conclusion that I will do whatever it takes to protect my family. I won't let these people back in our lives because I don't want to give them a chance to hurt any of us. I would never forgive myself if my daughter got treated the way I did by them. There were even issues before I found out about my brother, but the way they handled that situation just showed me their true colors and I would rather not associate with people like that.
One last random thing. My mom, sister and I took Kimber on a walk Friday night around my mom's subdivision and found an old firetruck parked in front of a house. I told my mom I had to get a picture with Kimber on it, so I unstrapped her, handed her to my sister who ran over and plopped her down on the truck. I'm still thankful the owner didn't come out and yell at us!
Hope everyone had a great weekend! I'm so not looking forward to going to work tomorrow!
Monday, February 28, 2011
My Dentist is My New Best Friend
Back when I was still on maternity leave one of my teeth broke, so I called my new dentist and set up an appointment to have it taken care of. I've never had a cavity in my life so I wasn't too worried about the visit until I was informed that I have little cavities on like all my teeth!!!
He said it was probably caused by pregnancy since my body re-allocated the calcium away from my teeth and to my baby. Not cool, and I had no idea that could happen. I assumed you couldn't go to the dentist while pregnant what with the x-rays and all, guess next time I won't assume! I'm not going to say that all of it was caused by pregnancy because I hadn't been to the dentist in a year (I know, I know) due to my horrible experience having my wisdom teeth pulled.
Currently I've been in probably close to 10 times in the past 2 1/2 months. My initial visit, cleaning, 2 appointments for my crown, and 5 appointments for cavities. I had to go in so many times for the fillings because he only likes to do one section at a time, so like my first visit was the upper right teeth, and so on.
Here's where the fun part comes in. I had veneers put on my front 6 upper teeth almost 10 years ago. One popped off and I just never got it put back on because I grind my teeth, so once it popped off twice I just said forget it! They look pretty bad, and now one is cracked from when I was put under for my c-section so lucky for me, those have cavities too and need to be replaced. I am super excited about this, even though it means sitting a super long time in the chair, because I have always been self conscious about my teeth and they are finally going to be fixed! My dentist is even going to do crowns so I don't think they will ever need to be replaced, unlike my veneers that pretty much max out at 10 years. The downside? It's going to cost right at $2,500.00 for all this work! Some how, some way, it will get paid for and I can't wait to have a new smile!
Monday, February 21, 2011
So Thankful
I am so thankful for this:
 |
| wearing It was time for Kimber to eat when I picked her up at the sitter's so I fed her there instead of crossing my fingers that we wouldn't have a melt down in the car. As I was sitting there the sitter was talking to a little boy's grandma about another kids mom. This woman is pregnant, due in a couple weeks and her baby has no skull. The baby won't survive very long, maybe a couple hours and my heart breaks for her, her husband and their son. My mind raced, putting myself in her situation. Obviously she's known for a while now but I would imagine you could never prepare yourself to deal with the loss of a newborn. I could not even grasp the amount of pain you would be in when your child is kicking and rolling around in your belly one minute, and the next you are holding her counting the precious minutes you have left. She walked in today to pick up her son, all glowing at 8 1/2 months pregnant, and you would have no idea the situation she's in. And here I am, holding my happy and healthy 4 1/2 month old baby girl and I felt guilty. It's one thing to hear about horrible things that can happen to babies, but when you actually meet the people who are going through it, it makes it so much more real. I spent quite a few minutes when I got home today just enjoying my daughter, praying for this woman, and being truly thankful for my family. It's scary to think that could of been me, that could of been my little girl and my family going through that. I have never had such a wake up call in my life to really value what I have. |
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Time
I feel like my life has been on fast forward the past couple years, especially these past few months. I wish I could just push pause and enjoy a little time with my little girl before she is no longer 'little'. I'm not sure where all my time is going but I'd really like to find it so I can have some to do things I enjoy.
I really want to start reading. Since we are supposed to take a mandatory 30 minute lunch break at work, I think that can be my reading time. I also want to start crocheting again. Now that I have a cute little baby to put cute little hats on I finally have a reason to pick up a hook again.
Less selfishly, I need to find time to finish painting our doors. (Yes, that's right, we are coming up on a year of having them installed and I still have not painted them. Oh and since I haven't painted them, they don't have knobs on them... I know, totally hoosier!) Let's see, I need to clean out the bedroom downstairs and finish putting things away in the laundry room. I need to clean out the garage that was turned into a bedroom so this spring we can turn it back into a garage again.
Mostly I miss spending time with my friends. I tried to get together with our friends in South County a couple weekends in a row and we still haven't seen them. We were supposed to go to the zoo last weekend with another couple but our heater went out so I spent the day at home hoping to get it fixed (which we did). I really miss my high school friend. She's the friend that I don't see very often but when we get together it's like we just saw each other yesterday. I feel like as a mom now I can't plan to do anything. Even if I were to set up plans, like for a lunch date, of course that's the one time that Kimber is going to want to eat when I'm trying to get out the door. Most of the things we do now are spur of the moment things and I'm not a spur of the moment person.
I need to find like a mommy play date group or something. I need to find people to hang out with that 1. have kids and 2. are closer to where we live. Please don't misinterpret that as me wanting to replace my old friends, I just need people at the same stage of life we are in that live in our area. I wish my friends lived closer but SoCo and NoCo are quite a drive, and like I said before, it's hard to make plans when you have no time!
I really want to start reading. Since we are supposed to take a mandatory 30 minute lunch break at work, I think that can be my reading time. I also want to start crocheting again. Now that I have a cute little baby to put cute little hats on I finally have a reason to pick up a hook again.
Less selfishly, I need to find time to finish painting our doors. (Yes, that's right, we are coming up on a year of having them installed and I still have not painted them. Oh and since I haven't painted them, they don't have knobs on them... I know, totally hoosier!) Let's see, I need to clean out the bedroom downstairs and finish putting things away in the laundry room. I need to clean out the garage that was turned into a bedroom so this spring we can turn it back into a garage again.
Mostly I miss spending time with my friends. I tried to get together with our friends in South County a couple weekends in a row and we still haven't seen them. We were supposed to go to the zoo last weekend with another couple but our heater went out so I spent the day at home hoping to get it fixed (which we did). I really miss my high school friend. She's the friend that I don't see very often but when we get together it's like we just saw each other yesterday. I feel like as a mom now I can't plan to do anything. Even if I were to set up plans, like for a lunch date, of course that's the one time that Kimber is going to want to eat when I'm trying to get out the door. Most of the things we do now are spur of the moment things and I'm not a spur of the moment person.
I need to find like a mommy play date group or something. I need to find people to hang out with that 1. have kids and 2. are closer to where we live. Please don't misinterpret that as me wanting to replace my old friends, I just need people at the same stage of life we are in that live in our area. I wish my friends lived closer but SoCo and NoCo are quite a drive, and like I said before, it's hard to make plans when you have no time!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Oreo Truffles - Mommy Improvised
I decided to do a little something fancy and sweet for Pat for dessert. A girl at work brought these in for a food day and I've been looking for a reason to make them ever since! They are melt in your mouth good, and aside from knowing I'd be sick, I could eat an entire batch by.my.self!
So here is the recipe:
1 - 16 oz package of Oreo's (don't use the double stuffed ones)
1 - 8 oz package of Philadelphia cream cheese, softened
2 - 8 oz packages of Baker's semi-sweet baking chocolate, melted
1. Crush 9 cookies into fine crumbs in a food processor; reserve for later use. (Cookies can also be crushed in a ziploc bag using a rolling pin.) Crush remaining 36 cookies into fine crumbs. Place in mixing bowl. Add cream cheese, mix until well blended. Roll cookies into 42, 1 inch balls.
2. Dip balls in chocolate; place on a wax covered cookie sheet. Sprinkle with reserve cookie crumbs.
3. Place in refrigerator until firm, approx 1 hour.
And here's how I did it:
1. Strap child in safety seat as to help make truffles for Daddy:
2. Since I don't own a food processor, or a rolling pin, take a pyrex dish and use the edge to crush cookies:
3. Put cream cheese in microwave for 30 seconds to soften.
4. Mix cream cheese with crumbs:
8. Place in fridge for a hour and enjoy one before plating and serving as a Valentine's Day treat.
So here is the recipe:
1 - 16 oz package of Oreo's (don't use the double stuffed ones)
1 - 8 oz package of Philadelphia cream cheese, softened
2 - 8 oz packages of Baker's semi-sweet baking chocolate, melted
1. Crush 9 cookies into fine crumbs in a food processor; reserve for later use. (Cookies can also be crushed in a ziploc bag using a rolling pin.) Crush remaining 36 cookies into fine crumbs. Place in mixing bowl. Add cream cheese, mix until well blended. Roll cookies into 42, 1 inch balls.
2. Dip balls in chocolate; place on a wax covered cookie sheet. Sprinkle with reserve cookie crumbs.
3. Place in refrigerator until firm, approx 1 hour.
And here's how I did it:
1. Strap child in safety seat as to help make truffles for Daddy:
2. Since I don't own a food processor, or a rolling pin, take a pyrex dish and use the edge to crush cookies:
3. Put cream cheese in microwave for 30 seconds to soften.
4. Mix cream cheese with crumbs:
4. Roll into balls.
5. (I used white chocolate.) Place white chocolate in the microwave and set timer for WAY too long, tend to a screaming baby and by the time you realize you set it to microwave for too long the chocolate is burnt.
6. Pack child up, run to Shop and Save to get replacement white chocolate.
7. Finally dip balls in chocolate, and since I don't own wax paper, use aluminum foil to coat cookie sheets instead. Sprinkle with reserved cookie crumbs.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY BABY!
(And because I said I would just for him, these will now be referred to as 'Pat's Chocolate Salty Balls')
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Saddening
Yep, I finally packed up my maternity clothes! It's a sad realization that I no longer need them. I have no idea why it took me so long to pack them up, I guess in the back of my mind I liked looking in my closet and being reminded of that amazing time in my life. I miss being pregnant. It was the biggest most important thing I've ever done. I created life, I made a little human inside of my body, I carried her for 40 weeks, and I miss her being there, in my belly.
I know at week 39 I was ready, ready to have her here. Ready to meet this little thing I created. Ready to finally be a parent and enter the next journey in my life with my husband. I don't think I ever realized that I would miss the journey I was just on, to get to this point, so much.
Today I finally realized that I have other things to remind me of my pregnancy other than the clothes. Wonderful stretch marks, weight I've gained, the scar where she was pulled out of me, the back pain that flares up, and occasionally the discomfort if Kimber kicks my stomach just right. These things may sound less than appealing to most people, but they are my constant reminders of my biggest accomplishment and I wouldn't change it for the world. So while my maternity clothes are collecting dust in the basement I will continue to watch the reason I had to buy them grow into an amazing little person! And you can't be sad about that!
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Wednesday, February 2, 2011
not gonna lie
I wouldn't be upset if I got a few more followers... So if you're reading this go ahead and add me to your google reader. Come on, don't make me beg hahaha
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