Marriage Post-Baby

I feel like I need to talk about this as I know when we were expecting it wasn't ever a topic that came up. While I was reading about how hard it is to be parents, and what to expect of labor and delivery I never once thought that my marriage would change.

I feel, as moms, a lot of stress is put on us to be perfect. To have the perfect child, the cleanest home, the nicest cars, and the best husband. We should only gain 20ish pounds while pregnant, never have stretch marks appear, and be down to our pre-pregnancy pants by the time we leave the hospital. We read all the books, buy all the new fangled devices and are expected to have this parenting thing down by the time your hospital stay is over. Heck, I had 9 months to prepare, why wouldn't I be ready?

Can I just say that's a LOT that's expected of us, and we try, I tried, so hard to live up to all these expectations. I agonized over decisions on how I wanted to parent. Should we hold her? Should we let her cry? Is she hungry? Should we be feeding her more? Should we bring her in bed with us? If we do will she be sleeping with us until she's 5? Then you finally make a decision and second guess yourself if you don't see the results you were hoping for... and sometimes even if you get the results you want you still second guess yourself...

With all of this, marriage is put on a back burner. Not that we did/do it on purpose, or that we love each other any less, it's just hard to make the time when you have this little addition to your family that demands so much of your time and energy. It's pretty hard to admit that my marriage wasn't a priority of mine for a few months. Nothing was wrong with my marriage and I love my husband to pieces, however, not making time to be 'married' (I think) took a toll on us. We just became more crabby and lost in our new found parenting roles.

I think it is very important to not forget that I am a wife AND a mom. My husband and kid have two completely different set of needs from me, and I think in the beginning I thought by being a good mom I was taking care of my wifely obligations as well. (Of course as I type that I sound so old-timey!) However, once we actually realized what was happening we started a conversation, and to be quite honest, it's still an on-going conversation.

Here are some things that work for us:
- Never go to bed angry. - I know how dumb that sounds, but it seriously works.
- Ask for help. - Ok, so I'm not so good at this one. I find myself telling Pat all the time that he should just know what to do. He can't read my mind though and I really need to get better at communicating my needs to him.
- Go on dates. - We rarely get to do this, but we are trying to make it a point every month or so. It's just nice to get out of the house and spend some quality time together.
- Fun time as a family. - We actually just started that this weekend. We went to the zoo and just left all the chores, laundry, dishes etc for another day. It's enjoyable to just go have family fun because you can!
- Talk, talk, and talk some more. - I think this is one of our strong points as a married couple. My tone may not always be appropriate (yet another thing I need to work on) but at least we always talk about everything! Always!
- Take turns. - We take turns putting Kimber to bed, changing diapers, getting up with her on the weekends, and playing with her during the week. It's nice to know that I get to sleep in on Sundays no matter what, or that if she was difficult to get to go to sleep one night that it's Pat's turn the next. It goes without saying that splitting stuff up makes this whole parenting thing a little less overwhelming.
- Assigned chores. - I'm pretty anal about how I clean so Pat takes care of his office, the laundry, and trash. He also helps with Kimber while I do my cleaning spree on the weekends. Again, this helps with that overwhelming feeling :)

I'm sure there are more things that we do, and will do in the future and it's taken us nine months to figure out that we shouldn't neglect each other just because we have an amazing, adorable, fantastic, beautiful daughter. For us, it just comes down to finding that balance and I'm sure it will be ever adjusting. One thing I know for sure, I am very much looking forward to spending the rest of my life enjoying every moment I get to be married to such a great guy!

weekend fun

I made it a point this weekend to have some fun. I get so caught up in chores, grocery shopping, etc on the weekends that we never get out and just do something for the fun of it. Well today was that day my friends!

We took Kimber to the zoo for the first time. Both Pat and I agree that it will be much more fun when she's older but we still had a good time anyways.

Pat wrote a to-do list for the weekend and I kid you not when I say one of the items on there was 'do something fun with mini'. As if the zoo didn't fulfill that item, he decided to take her on the carousel. She LOVED it!

It was pretty funny because he took her on the ride so I went and sat on the benches that surround the ride and I swear to you I was the only mom. Guess most dad's don't like carousels? Pat thoroughly enjoyed himself though, and this moment was one of the cutest I've seen!

We so badly wanted to go to the penguin house but it seemed to have a line so we decided to skip it and figured we need to take a day off work this fall and come back, because man was it crowded today!

At least we got a picture with a *fake* puffin in the background...

I think this is my new favorite picture of her!

Oh and I almost forgot... While sitting on a bench at the zoo, trying to figure out what we wanted to go see next I saw, walking towards me.... DONALD FANDANGO! For those of you that don't know, it's not really that big of a deal, he's a local radio DJ but probably the closest thing to a celebrity I've ever seen so it kind of excited me. Plus he just happens to be my favorite DJ, his knowledge of music is simply mind-blowing (and I might find that a bit sexy...).


Next we ran home and chilled out for a while and then it was time to meet Josh and Jenny for dinner. I've pretty much decided we need to make this a monthly thing. They live like a hour away, so it's nice to meet somewhere in the middle, eat, chat, and whatever. They are getting married in TWO weeks and I'm super stoked to have a sister-in-law!

Oh and speaking of their wedding... remember how I bought this dress for her and it barely fit? Well I ended up ordering another one, and Jenny brought the sash to dinner so... here's my super cute flower girl!

I have to take the flower off, somehow attach the sash, and then pin the flower back on... but I like this dress better than the last one, and the bigger plus is that it still fits :)

Updates

Ok, so my laptop has crashed and thus I've pretty much stopped blogging since I'd probably have to schedule time to actually be able to get on Pat's computer :) 6 am on a Saturday seems like the perfect time to play some catch up!

First let me tell you about Kimber's 9 month doctor appointment yesterday. I have probably taken Kimber to the doctor 5 times thinking she's had an ear infection, and guess what, yesterday I was informed she has one! I know I shouldn't beat myself up over this but man... she never pulled on her ears, whined, or ANYTHING! I had NO idea, and never even suspected she was in pain. It worries me in the future, since I know her ear is bothering her now and she really shows no signs of it. Guess I have a little trooper on my hands!

First ear infection - 6/24/11
First kiss & claps - 5/8/11

She now loves to stand up using the kitchen chairs and push them all around the kitchen (guess this is our poor mans version of a walker lol). We always tell her thank you for helping mommy rearrange the furniture :) She constantly says da-da and will occasionally wave bye. She loves to clap, and loves it even more when we yell YAY while she does it, and lastly she seems to never get tired of shaking her head no.

Alright, on to more stuff....
- We are car shopping for Pat.
- We switched from Verizon to Sprint.
- I'm looking for a new job.
- We are going to be starting our next home project pretty soon. Probably will be painting or turning the garage back into a garage.
- My brother is getting married in TWO weeks!!!
- Kimber now has a tree swing, and a pool. Spoiled by the grandparents? Maybe a little...
- I've started buying groceries for the next 2 weeks, in hopes to prevent shopping trips every weekend.
- The BIL is officially in TX... and it sucks!
- Kimber attended her first pool party!

I think that about sums it up. There are a few things I will write about in more detail, but I really don't want to write a bunch of posts without including pictures SO.... they will just have to wait. Can I just tell you all how freakin excited I am to go to the zoo today????

5 Things

I thought I'd do a random post that might be kinda fun.

5 Things I Love

(other than family)

Seriously, how hot is the cast of Vampire Diaries?

1. House, no not my house, the show House. Along with Vampire Diaries and The Voice. There are a few other recorded things we watch but right now those 3 are my must see during the week.

2. Nice weather. I'm talkin 73 degrees, no humidity kind of days. I'm not a lover of heat so I wouldn't be sad if summer was the season that STL passed over instead of spring!

3. My job.... most days. Everyone has those days where they're ready to just walk out and say forget it, but (for the most part) I enjoy what I do. I get to work with numbers a little and basically audit stuff. I also enjoy getting on the phone with the attorneys we deal with and learning new things. Other than the fact I wish I was paid more, I'd say I'm 90% happy with where I'm at.

4. I'm obsessed! I love me some Coke Zero. Only out of a can though... once they started carrying it as a fountain soda I was super excited but after tasting it, nothing compares to a nice cold CAN of Zero. 

5. Doing crafty stuff. I haven't really done much crafty stuff since our wedding and that was over 2 years ago. Maybe that's why I've already started making some of Kimber's first birthday decorations! 

5 Things I Dislike

1. Sorry, not a cat lover.... at all. Especially after having a litter of kittens living under our front porch. Not a fan! Plus, they smell, or at least their litter box does... yuck!

2. Stretch marks. Let me explain. Normally I am not a fan of mom's complaining about weight and/or stretch marks they've gained along the way... You housed another human being for crying out loud, give yourself a break! Now, am I glad I got them, no. Do I wish they would just vanish, yes. Am I going to try every scheme to get them to disappear? No. Bottom line though, I'm okay with them... the only ones that even bother me are the ones I got on the back of my leg, behind my knee (my legs swelled REAL bad) and the ONLY reason I am a tad bit perturbed by them is that I love capris, and even though I'm okay with my stretch marks, I do not want to go around showing them off.... and thus, my love for capris has ended.... sadly...

3. Home renovations. I LOVE how our bathroom turned out, however, the time it took to get it looking like that was 3 times longer than we thought it would take. Plus it's super expensive. I guess this is on my mind because we have to finish the basement, re-do the kitchen and living area, and turn the 'bedroom' back into a garage before we have another kid. Or at least that's the plan.... in a perfect world...

4. Lady Gaga. Enough said.

5. Yep, this girl does NOT like her veggies. I'll eat raw carrots, green beans, and lettuce but anything other than that and I'm OUT!

5 Things I Cannot Live Without

1. My phone. Dumb, I know, but it's how I stay in contact with people. Whether it's Facebook, blogger, text messaging, phone calls, or e-mails it's my lifeline. 

2. Pledge, Scrubbing Bubbles, and 409. Oh and Windex. I will buy the off brand on just about anything, but not my cleaning supplies. It's the one thing I'm pretty picky about.

3. Tattoos. I love them, and I want more.

4. My camera. I love documenting Kimber growing up... as you can tell from my five million pictures of her on my Facebook account.

5. My husband and daughter. I know that if I ever lost either one of them I wouldn't be able to go on. Just the thought of not having one of them around brings tears to my eyes. They are my life, my world, the reason I get up everyday, the people that make me want to be a better person, and I love them with every inch of my being.

more for me

Kimber,

I cannot wait until you become a mother and experience the love I have for you. It's indescribable. I cry at the thought of future owies, broken hearts, bullying, and anything else that could possibly cause you any kind of pain. I know these things aren't something I can control, and shouldn't worry about but I can't help myself. I never want you to feel an ounce of pain... ever... I wish I could make that promise to you, and I can't, and it kills me, but what I can promise you is that I will ALWAYS be there for you to kiss your owies, bash boys that dared break your heart, and do whatever it takes to make you feel better.

I so badly want to provide better for you than what I had. I want your childhood full of happy memories and a stable household. I want you to grow up with parents you adore that show you what a loving family is all about.

Can I just tell you how stinkin cute you are!!! I'm pretty sure you do something new every day. At 7 months you finally started kinda crawling. You were on all fours and would lunge forward, not even 2 weeks later (5/5/11) you started for real crawling and now you are all over the place! You much prefer to be down exploring our house than being held, which is a nice change. I feel like you allow me to get more stuff done around the house because you can occupy yourself most times. Oh, you also like walking while holding my fingers and you LOVE to pull yourself up using my arms and then immediately plop yourself down just so you can pull yourself up again. It's a riot.

We are going to be introducing protein tomorrow! I made your turkey and chicken, and let me tell you, making meat puree isn't my favorite thing! You love Mary, but I think you love being around all the other kids just as much. We're already pretty sure you're going to be a people watcher. You constantly wail, pretty much non-stop. I'm finally beginning to be able to tell weather you're crying or just yelling to hear yourself yell. Your favorite is when I or Dad yell back, then it becomes a game but we normally outlast you. You say 'da da' not for any reason, just randomly throughout the day. You're still sleeping through the night and still only have the two bottom teeth, but man those suckers are sharp!

You are such a happy baby and are becoming more independent everyday that goes by. You are constantly exploring your toy box and have figured out that when you drop things, mommy is always there to pick them up. This hasn't become a game yet, but I'm sure in the near future you will be dropping things and laughing.

I will never be able to tell you enough how much I love you and I will never get tired of saying it:
I love you boo-ba-loo!

Love,
Mommy

something new everyday

Literally, and such is life with a kid. I love watching her do new stuff, and the look on her face when she figures out how to do something on her own i.e. getting a toy from her toy box. Now she is figuring out that if Dad or I leave the room we didn't just disappear, and she normally will come crawling after. She's even started playing in her room by herself. Today I set her down with her toys and went to fold laundry in our bedroom which is right across the hall. She'd play for 30 seconds and then come check on me, once she saw I was 'ok' she'd go back to her room and play some more. When she drops stuff she now looks for it, and sometimes will purposely drop things just so we will get them for her.

The thing I'm MOST excited about her doing is.... drum roll please.... she finally gives kisses!!! I probably kiss this kid a million and one times a day and I've been really working with her lately to give kisses back. She's so stubborn though normally she'd turn her cheek so I couldn't give her a smooch. Well Sunday I made the kissy noise and she leaned in, mouth open, and planted a big slobbery one on me. I'm pretty sure my heart was in a huge puddle after that! Now, she won't openly give them and sometimes even when I ask for one she just isn't in the mood, BUT when she decides to show momma some lovin it's literally the best thing ever!

Also on Sunday she started clapping. So now every time she claps we yell 'YAY' and clap with her. That just gets her even more excited and then she has the biggest grin on her face.

We've been pulling ourselves up for a while now but on Saturday I walked in her room to find this:

Not cool little miss! Do you have any idea how hard nap time is now? Before she might lay and whine for a little but eventually give in and fall asleep... well now, why just lay there when you can stand and throw your binki out? That sounds way more fun, right? She also will sit with her feet through the bars, whine, and rake her binki across the bars. Guess she must really feel like she's in a baby prison!

Today for the first time she explored the kitchen cabinets:

I'm pretty sure we are going to have a strong willed little girl on our hands. Today we were playing in her room and she tried to crawl over my leg to get out so she could crawl down the hall. I didn't feel like chasing after her so I picked her up off my leg and turned her around to face her toys. By the way she was crying you'd of thought I told her unicorns weren't real! I have a feeling she's going to be a handful :)

Kitties? Anyone? Bueller?

The hoosiers that live at the end of our street have a bunch of stray cats. Now, whatever they do is their business... until it affects me...

Last Wednesday I saw one of the cats in our bush, no biggie. Then Thursday I heard rustling in our bushes and told Pat about it, well he text me when I was at work and said we had a litter of kittens in our bush. I made a call to animal control that went something like this:
Me: Hello?
AC: Yeah...
Me: I was just wondering how we go about getting a litter of kittens picked up... Do we need to be home? Or can you just come by and get them?
AC: Well, I can't take the babies if I can't get the mom and I don't even have a trap on my truck right now...
Me: So are you telling me we have to catch the mom before you'll come get the kittens????
AC: Well, I don't have a trap on my truck right now... What's your address? (I tell him) Oh there's already a trap on your street.
Me: Ok... so am I just supposed to live with these cats living at my house?
AC: Uhhh, I don't even know if the mom's feral and I can't take the babies if I can't catch the mom because they will die without her, but I probably won't be able to catch the mom so...

And it got progressively worse from there... When I got home there was a trap set up in between our two bushes with a can of cat food in it... the metal lid from the can? Thrown in our front yard... Real professional if you ask me!

Fast forward to today, it's storming real bad and we came home to the trap on our front porch with one of the kittens in it. Now, as much as I'm NOT a cat person, it was pretty sad to see that little kitten, cold and wet, sitting in the cage. So we let him/her out. What were we supposed to do? Maybe it would of died over night and that's just sad, it's not their fault... I thought about trying to catch them and walking down to the hoosiers at the end of the street and asking if they would mind getting their damn cats fixed... problem being, we cannot catch the cats. So I guess for now they will make their home (6 kittens and a mom) under our porch. I don't know what other options we have at this point.

Speaking of hoosier neighbors, I spent Saturday afternoon being entertained by the people that live across the street. This lady apparently lives with her mother, who I'm guessing is ill because she just sits in her bedroom and smokes and only leaves the house when the Oats van comes to get her. Speaking of, I haven't seen her in her room in a while.... hmmm.... Anyways, she wrecked a car so it's been parked in her driveway since before I had Kimber. Saturday the real fun happened... fat chick in a moo-moo, another chick showed up with her two kids (3 or 4 yr olds), one just wearing a diaper, and an old dude working on her other non-working car. The kid in the diaper proceeded to 'pick' flowers from the flower bed and the chick that lives there came out and asked her 'What the hell she was doing???' Now, the word picked is in quotes because the woman has 'planted' FAKE FLOWERS.... And of course, I have a photo for proof:

Gosh I love our neighbors and cannot wait to spend the rest of our days living in this house ***insert sarcasm***