Monday, July 16, 2012

Texas Trip

Whew, that trip was exhausting and I don't know that I ever want to fly with a toddler again! First off, I was EXTREMELY nauseous during the flight. I normally get a little woosy for take off/landing but apparently my pregnant belly couldn't handle the flight. There were several times I thought I was going to have to jump over DH and MIL to run to the restroom. Luckily, I ended up keeping everything down but it was close a few times.

We landed around 7 pm Thursday night, went to future (at the time) sister-in-law's house for dinner and then went back to the hotel to crash. Friday, we took K to Kemah boardwalk for lunch. It was so flipping hot in TX so I thought she'd enjoy the splash park. Negative on that one! In hind-site I probably should have known since she doesn't like water splashing in her face. Oops!

So we braved the hotness and played on the playground.

That night was the bachelorette and bachelor parties. Pat went hog hunting and I'm pretty sure I could recite his stories by memory since I've now heard them over and over and over. (Love ya honey!) However, I'm also pretty sure I had a more amazing evening than anyone that went to either of those parties. I got to hang out with Molly. Yes, that's right. Be jealous!

I met Molly for the first time when Pat and I got married, she married Pat's cousin who lives in TX. Needless to say we never hung out, which as I learned is a total shame because she is flipping amazing! We took the three kiddos to the beach (first time for Miss K) for some play time. Kimber loved Colin & Chloe and I hope we don't have to wait another 3 years to have another playdate!

Molly and her babies :)
K did NOT like the sand. AT ALL!
But was happy sitting on my lap and towel.

After the beach we went for some Tex Mex. Totally off topic, but they serve warm salsa! Who knew? And actually I was pleasantly surprised! During warm salsa and chips, K decided to poke a hole in her cup and spilled lemonade all over everything. After I got over the shock of the coldness in my lap I couldn't stop laughing.

Saturday I went swimming with K and then that night we had the rehearsal dinner. Sunday was the wedding and then we flew home on Memorial Day.

Kimber & Chloe

The trio dancing.

This picture makes me smile, every time :)

Reading to Puppy in the airport before our flight.

Mini Session with Jodi x 2

Back in April (yes, I am a little behind!) we met up with Jodi again for another round of family pictures. Here are a few of my favorites. 

Photo by Jodi Schlosser
Photo by Jodi Schlosser

Photo by Jodi Schlosser
Photo by Jodi Schlosser

Jodi always blows me away with her pictures. As long as she's still doing family sessions we will be using her. I am pretty sure I've run out of words to describe her awesomeness. :)

Monday, July 2, 2012

Part 3 - Aftermath...

Tomorrow will be the 2 week mark from when I had my D&C. Recovery was super easy. Strangely enough I didn't start cramping until Thursday night, and didn't start spotting until Saturday which is not what I expected. Guess I just had a delayed reaction?

Emotionally, it seems it's just blocked out. If I don't acknowledge it then it didn't happen, right? No one says anything to me about it. Sometimes I'll get a 'How are you doing?' but I just assume it's a general question and not related to my miscarriage.

I did get a card from my super awesome cousin, and it was amazing. Just what I needed. Somehow reading it though, it felt like it didn't pertain to me. Like the words were meant for someone else because I didn't miscarry. Not possible.

Kimber has been super attached lately, I'd like to think she just knows that I need her now. Two weekends ago she fell asleep on my chest while I was watching a movie (which never happens, she's not a cuddler at all) and I just felt an overwhelming sadness. I couldn't help but to look at her and cry.


How did I make her so perfectly and fail so miserably this time around?

For whatever reason I feel like I've let her down. Comical since she had no clue what it really meant when she pointed to my stomach and said 'baby.' What if I can never give her a sibling?

What if this happens again... and again... and again? How many times before we realize it's too much hurt? How many times will we go through saying goodbye to someone we've never met? It could be none or it could be as many times as we try to get pregnant. I just don't feel strong enough.

Will we try again? I know that's everyone's question. I don't blame people for wondering, I'd probably wonder too. However, my answer is not definite because most of the time it's 'I have no idea.' If we do, will it be right away or will we wait a while? No clue. Part of me wants to be pregnant yesterday, part of me never wants to try again.

Most of the time I just feel numb. I've started working like crazy and planning all the projects I want to tackle around the house while I'm off next week. I suppose that's good and bad. It doesn't give me time to dwell, but it also doesn't give me time to process. I'm sure Thursday will be hard. I have a follow-up appointment with my OB. I just don't want to talk about it. I don't want to re-live it. I don't want it to be real.