Well it's been a year, and reading my birth story still makes me cry. I'm sure most moms would say the same, however, most moms have tears of joy. I am not most moms...
Honestly, it still hurts.
Honestly, I'm still mad.
Honestly, I feel like I will never fully get over it.
Honestly, I feel I am scarred for life.
Remembering. Remembering makes me want to forget. Forget what though? It's not like I remember holding my precious daughter for the first time. I can't fondly look back on the memory of how I felt when I finally met my bundle of joy. I do not have any idea how she smelled, what I said, what my husband said, or what I thought. Nothing. I want to forget that I don't remember.
That is what hurts me the most. Not remembering. I was there, I am her mom, I should remember! How can you not? It's one of the biggest moments in a person's life! I feel like a horrible mother for not remembering. For thinking back a year ago and shuddering at the thought of my labor and subsequent infection. How can I have such negative thoughts about such a glorious day?
Then I think... If we have another baby, and I do remember their birth... that it will only remind me of what I missed out on before.
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Friday, October 14, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I've kinda been a bit busy....
- I started my new job at work almost a month ago and I'm still lovin it! It's a little strange right now because I don't think my team knows exactly what I'm going to be doing so I'm worried they may not like me... I'm going to be auditing their work... yikes! I've already made a new spreadsheet, or rather, re-vamped the one that the lead was using, and now I'm just trying to work my butt off to prove myself.
- I've been working on getting the house (or at least the main floor) done. I've added some decor and painted a few more things. We only have a couple more big projects to take on and my goal is to get it all done before Christmas! We'll see if it actually happens, but so far this week I've worked around the house every night except for last night. I've even started making lists for weekend chores, so we don't say 'oh we need to do x,y,z' and nothing ever gets done.
- I'm going to a chiropractor! The last time we were at the lake I thought I just slept funny because the next morning my back hurt. Well after a month of not being able to bend over I decided I should probably have it checked out. Turns out my lower back pain is because of muscle spasms and inflamed muscles, but he also found a few more things. My left hip is rotated back and my right hip is rotated forward, making my left leg shorter than my right, and my left shoulder lower than my right. My ribs are popping out of place where they meet my ribcage, and I've got a nice little curve going on at the base of my neck. Whew, to think I thought my only problem was my lower back! :) I should be good as new by February though and I'm more than looking forward to it!
- Kimber met Dr. Young a few weeks ago. Is it bad that I miss my gyno? Shockingly, she let him pick her up! Normally she isn't too keen on strangers, but maybe they have a special bond :) As we were leaving he gave her her first sucker, I think they are going to be friends for life over that sucker!
- Speaking of Kimber and doctors, she had her blood drawn last week. It went better than I would of hoped. She was more mad at the fact that we were holding her down than at the needle. She was actually the most calm when she was being stuck! I'm telling you, you can't make her do anything... she's going to do what she wants to do or someone's going to pay :) I think I'm going to be in big trouble through the teen years!!!
- And lastly, and really the biggest reason why I've been so busy... I am now a mother to a TODDLER! haha
- I've been working on getting the house (or at least the main floor) done. I've added some decor and painted a few more things. We only have a couple more big projects to take on and my goal is to get it all done before Christmas! We'll see if it actually happens, but so far this week I've worked around the house every night except for last night. I've even started making lists for weekend chores, so we don't say 'oh we need to do x,y,z' and nothing ever gets done.
- I'm going to a chiropractor! The last time we were at the lake I thought I just slept funny because the next morning my back hurt. Well after a month of not being able to bend over I decided I should probably have it checked out. Turns out my lower back pain is because of muscle spasms and inflamed muscles, but he also found a few more things. My left hip is rotated back and my right hip is rotated forward, making my left leg shorter than my right, and my left shoulder lower than my right. My ribs are popping out of place where they meet my ribcage, and I've got a nice little curve going on at the base of my neck. Whew, to think I thought my only problem was my lower back! :) I should be good as new by February though and I'm more than looking forward to it!
- Kimber met Dr. Young a few weeks ago. Is it bad that I miss my gyno? Shockingly, she let him pick her up! Normally she isn't too keen on strangers, but maybe they have a special bond :) As we were leaving he gave her her first sucker, I think they are going to be friends for life over that sucker!
- Speaking of Kimber and doctors, she had her blood drawn last week. It went better than I would of hoped. She was more mad at the fact that we were holding her down than at the needle. She was actually the most calm when she was being stuck! I'm telling you, you can't make her do anything... she's going to do what she wants to do or someone's going to pay :) I think I'm going to be in big trouble through the teen years!!!
- And lastly, and really the biggest reason why I've been so busy... I am now a mother to a TODDLER! haha
1st Birthday Party!
We had Kimber's party the Sunday after her birthday. I was up until 2 am decorating my mom's house for the festivities! Call me crazy but I went all out for this. Hey, my first kiddo is only going to turn 1 once, ya know? We even went so far as to hire a professional photographer! Check her out at www.seelenphotography.com, she took all the below pictures:
It was on this day that I learned what a ham my child is! When she started in on the cake and people would clap, she'd clap with a big smile on her face and wiggle up and down. It was all over after that, the entire time she was eating the cake she tried to get people to laugh at her. It was seriously hysterical!
The day went perfectly (other than the fact it took me 90 minutes to pick up the cupcakes b/c the hwy was closed! Thank goodness for my mom who got all the food ready for me!). I was amazed at how many people came and am totally grateful for everything. I know she had a fantastic time and it was everything I wanted it to be for her. She was surrounded by love on her first birthday, and you just can't beat that!
Some Favorite Presents:
- Set of balls Grandma and Grandpa got her.
- Wagon from Uncle Josh & Aunt Jenny, along with the Sesame Street ABC books.
- Books from Aunt Steph & Uncle Frankie.
- Leap Frog Birthday Cake from Karen.
- Activity walker from the Roeder's.
- And of course, I very much appreciated the clothes/gift cards!
Food:
-Hot pink, pink and white frosted chocolate & vanilla cupcakes.
- Puppy Chow
- Carmel Puppy Chow
- Buffalo Chicken Bites
- Cream Cheese Roll-ups
- Mini Pigs in a Blanket
- Fruit Tray
- Veggie Tray
Decor:
- Hot pink, pink and white tissue paper poms
- Vases with yarn poms
- Pictures of Kimber galore
- Birthday banner
- Monthly photo banner
- 2 Photo albums of her first year
- Card station where guests could write a note to Kimber
- Cupcake stand
- Yarn pom cupcake toppers
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The day went perfectly (other than the fact it took me 90 minutes to pick up the cupcakes b/c the hwy was closed! Thank goodness for my mom who got all the food ready for me!). I was amazed at how many people came and am totally grateful for everything. I know she had a fantastic time and it was everything I wanted it to be for her. She was surrounded by love on her first birthday, and you just can't beat that!
Some Favorite Presents:
- Set of balls Grandma and Grandpa got her.
- Wagon from Uncle Josh & Aunt Jenny, along with the Sesame Street ABC books.
- Books from Aunt Steph & Uncle Frankie.
- Leap Frog Birthday Cake from Karen.
- Activity walker from the Roeder's.
- And of course, I very much appreciated the clothes/gift cards!
Food:
-Hot pink, pink and white frosted chocolate & vanilla cupcakes.
- Puppy Chow
- Carmel Puppy Chow
- Buffalo Chicken Bites
- Cream Cheese Roll-ups
- Mini Pigs in a Blanket
- Fruit Tray
- Veggie Tray
Decor:
- Hot pink, pink and white tissue paper poms
- Vases with yarn poms
- Pictures of Kimber galore
- Birthday banner
- Monthly photo banner
- 2 Photo albums of her first year
- Card station where guests could write a note to Kimber
- Cupcake stand
- Yarn pom cupcake toppers
Monday, June 27, 2011
Marriage Post-Baby
I feel like I need to talk about this as I know when we were expecting it wasn't ever a topic that came up. While I was reading about how hard it is to be parents, and what to expect of labor and delivery I never once thought that my marriage would change.
I feel, as moms, a lot of stress is put on us to be perfect. To have the perfect child, the cleanest home, the nicest cars, and the best husband. We should only gain 20ish pounds while pregnant, never have stretch marks appear, and be down to our pre-pregnancy pants by the time we leave the hospital. We read all the books, buy all the new fangled devices and are expected to have this parenting thing down by the time your hospital stay is over. Heck, I had 9 months to prepare, why wouldn't I be ready?
Can I just say that's a LOT that's expected of us, and we try, I tried, so hard to live up to all these expectations. I agonized over decisions on how I wanted to parent. Should we hold her? Should we let her cry? Is she hungry? Should we be feeding her more? Should we bring her in bed with us? If we do will she be sleeping with us until she's 5? Then you finally make a decision and second guess yourself if you don't see the results you were hoping for... and sometimes even if you get the results you want you still second guess yourself...
With all of this, marriage is put on a back burner. Not that we did/do it on purpose, or that we love each other any less, it's just hard to make the time when you have this little addition to your family that demands so much of your time and energy. It's pretty hard to admit that my marriage wasn't a priority of mine for a few months. Nothing was wrong with my marriage and I love my husband to pieces, however, not making time to be 'married' (I think) took a toll on us. We just became more crabby and lost in our new found parenting roles.
I think it is very important to not forget that I am a wife AND a mom. My husband and kid have two completely different set of needs from me, and I think in the beginning I thought by being a good mom I was taking care of my wifely obligations as well. (Of course as I type that I sound so old-timey!) However, once we actually realized what was happening we started a conversation, and to be quite honest, it's still an on-going conversation.
Here are some things that work for us:
- Never go to bed angry. - I know how dumb that sounds, but it seriously works.
- Ask for help. - Ok, so I'm not so good at this one. I find myself telling Pat all the time that he should just know what to do. He can't read my mind though and I really need to get better at communicating my needs to him.
- Go on dates. - We rarely get to do this, but we are trying to make it a point every month or so. It's just nice to get out of the house and spend some quality time together.
- Fun time as a family. - We actually just started that this weekend. We went to the zoo and just left all the chores, laundry, dishes etc for another day. It's enjoyable to just go have family fun because you can!
- Talk, talk, and talk some more. - I think this is one of our strong points as a married couple. My tone may not always be appropriate (yet another thing I need to work on) but at least we always talk about everything! Always!
- Take turns. - We take turns putting Kimber to bed, changing diapers, getting up with her on the weekends, and playing with her during the week. It's nice to know that I get to sleep in on Sundays no matter what, or that if she was difficult to get to go to sleep one night that it's Pat's turn the next. It goes without saying that splitting stuff up makes this whole parenting thing a little less overwhelming.
- Assigned chores. - I'm pretty anal about how I clean so Pat takes care of his office, the laundry, and trash. He also helps with Kimber while I do my cleaning spree on the weekends. Again, this helps with that overwhelming feeling :)
I'm sure there are more things that we do, and will do in the future and it's taken us nine months to figure out that we shouldn't neglect each other just because we have an amazing, adorable, fantastic, beautiful daughter. For us, it just comes down to finding that balance and I'm sure it will be ever adjusting. One thing I know for sure, I am very much looking forward to spending the rest of my life enjoying every moment I get to be married to such a great guy!
I feel, as moms, a lot of stress is put on us to be perfect. To have the perfect child, the cleanest home, the nicest cars, and the best husband. We should only gain 20ish pounds while pregnant, never have stretch marks appear, and be down to our pre-pregnancy pants by the time we leave the hospital. We read all the books, buy all the new fangled devices and are expected to have this parenting thing down by the time your hospital stay is over. Heck, I had 9 months to prepare, why wouldn't I be ready?
Can I just say that's a LOT that's expected of us, and we try, I tried, so hard to live up to all these expectations. I agonized over decisions on how I wanted to parent. Should we hold her? Should we let her cry? Is she hungry? Should we be feeding her more? Should we bring her in bed with us? If we do will she be sleeping with us until she's 5? Then you finally make a decision and second guess yourself if you don't see the results you were hoping for... and sometimes even if you get the results you want you still second guess yourself...
With all of this, marriage is put on a back burner. Not that we did/do it on purpose, or that we love each other any less, it's just hard to make the time when you have this little addition to your family that demands so much of your time and energy. It's pretty hard to admit that my marriage wasn't a priority of mine for a few months. Nothing was wrong with my marriage and I love my husband to pieces, however, not making time to be 'married' (I think) took a toll on us. We just became more crabby and lost in our new found parenting roles.
I think it is very important to not forget that I am a wife AND a mom. My husband and kid have two completely different set of needs from me, and I think in the beginning I thought by being a good mom I was taking care of my wifely obligations as well. (Of course as I type that I sound so old-timey!) However, once we actually realized what was happening we started a conversation, and to be quite honest, it's still an on-going conversation.
Here are some things that work for us:
- Never go to bed angry. - I know how dumb that sounds, but it seriously works.
- Ask for help. - Ok, so I'm not so good at this one. I find myself telling Pat all the time that he should just know what to do. He can't read my mind though and I really need to get better at communicating my needs to him.
- Go on dates. - We rarely get to do this, but we are trying to make it a point every month or so. It's just nice to get out of the house and spend some quality time together.
- Fun time as a family. - We actually just started that this weekend. We went to the zoo and just left all the chores, laundry, dishes etc for another day. It's enjoyable to just go have family fun because you can!
- Talk, talk, and talk some more. - I think this is one of our strong points as a married couple. My tone may not always be appropriate (yet another thing I need to work on) but at least we always talk about everything! Always!
- Take turns. - We take turns putting Kimber to bed, changing diapers, getting up with her on the weekends, and playing with her during the week. It's nice to know that I get to sleep in on Sundays no matter what, or that if she was difficult to get to go to sleep one night that it's Pat's turn the next. It goes without saying that splitting stuff up makes this whole parenting thing a little less overwhelming.
- Assigned chores. - I'm pretty anal about how I clean so Pat takes care of his office, the laundry, and trash. He also helps with Kimber while I do my cleaning spree on the weekends. Again, this helps with that overwhelming feeling :)
I'm sure there are more things that we do, and will do in the future and it's taken us nine months to figure out that we shouldn't neglect each other just because we have an amazing, adorable, fantastic, beautiful daughter. For us, it just comes down to finding that balance and I'm sure it will be ever adjusting. One thing I know for sure, I am very much looking forward to spending the rest of my life enjoying every moment I get to be married to such a great guy!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Updates
Ok, so my laptop has crashed and thus I've pretty much stopped blogging since I'd probably have to schedule time to actually be able to get on Pat's computer :) 6 am on a Saturday seems like the perfect time to play some catch up!
First let me tell you about Kimber's 9 month doctor appointment yesterday. I have probably taken Kimber to the doctor 5 times thinking she's had an ear infection, and guess what, yesterday I was informed she has one! I know I shouldn't beat myself up over this but man... she never pulled on her ears, whined, or ANYTHING! I had NO idea, and never even suspected she was in pain. It worries me in the future, since I know her ear is bothering her now and she really shows no signs of it. Guess I have a little trooper on my hands!
First ear infection - 6/24/11
First kiss & claps - 5/8/11
She now loves to stand up using the kitchen chairs and push them all around the kitchen (guess this is our poor mans version of a walker lol). We always tell her thank you for helping mommy rearrange the furniture :) She constantly says da-da and will occasionally wave bye. She loves to clap, and loves it even more when we yell YAY while she does it, and lastly she seems to never get tired of shaking her head no.
Alright, on to more stuff....
- We are car shopping for Pat.
- We switched from Verizon to Sprint.
- I'm looking for a new job.
- We are going to be starting our next home project pretty soon. Probably will be painting or turning the garage back into a garage.
- My brother is getting married in TWO weeks!!!
- Kimber now has a tree swing, and a pool. Spoiled by the grandparents? Maybe a little...
- I've started buying groceries for the next 2 weeks, in hopes to prevent shopping trips every weekend.
- The BIL is officially in TX... and it sucks!
- Kimber attended her first pool party!
I think that about sums it up. There are a few things I will write about in more detail, but I really don't want to write a bunch of posts without including pictures SO.... they will just have to wait. Can I just tell you all how freakin excited I am to go to the zoo today????
First let me tell you about Kimber's 9 month doctor appointment yesterday. I have probably taken Kimber to the doctor 5 times thinking she's had an ear infection, and guess what, yesterday I was informed she has one! I know I shouldn't beat myself up over this but man... she never pulled on her ears, whined, or ANYTHING! I had NO idea, and never even suspected she was in pain. It worries me in the future, since I know her ear is bothering her now and she really shows no signs of it. Guess I have a little trooper on my hands!
First ear infection - 6/24/11
First kiss & claps - 5/8/11
She now loves to stand up using the kitchen chairs and push them all around the kitchen (guess this is our poor mans version of a walker lol). We always tell her thank you for helping mommy rearrange the furniture :) She constantly says da-da and will occasionally wave bye. She loves to clap, and loves it even more when we yell YAY while she does it, and lastly she seems to never get tired of shaking her head no.
Alright, on to more stuff....
- We are car shopping for Pat.
- We switched from Verizon to Sprint.
- I'm looking for a new job.
- We are going to be starting our next home project pretty soon. Probably will be painting or turning the garage back into a garage.
- My brother is getting married in TWO weeks!!!
- Kimber now has a tree swing, and a pool. Spoiled by the grandparents? Maybe a little...
- I've started buying groceries for the next 2 weeks, in hopes to prevent shopping trips every weekend.
- The BIL is officially in TX... and it sucks!
- Kimber attended her first pool party!
I think that about sums it up. There are a few things I will write about in more detail, but I really don't want to write a bunch of posts without including pictures SO.... they will just have to wait. Can I just tell you all how freakin excited I am to go to the zoo today????
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Who's a planner? That'd be me!
I like to know where my life is going. I know there are some (ok, many) things I cannot plan, however, I like to try. I think planning, for me, sets goals for myself. For instance, our home remodeling... I like to plan specific dates to do stuff, because if it were just up to Pat or me to get things started it'd never get done. We get so wrapped up with what's going on with our little family that it's hard to make time for other things that we need to work on.
Now that we are grown-ups (I consider us grown-ups because we now have a mortgage and a child lol) I've kind of started thinking about our future. How many kids do we want? How far apart in age are they going to be? What kind of house are we going to buy when we grow out of this one?
Mainly, we've been discussing lately when we want to bring another Baby B<3 into this world :) Ever since Kimber was born I've been saying I can't wait to be pregnant again, I can't wait for Kimber to have a sibling and for our family to grow even more. However, now that we are actually, seriously discussing when we want to have another kid, I'm terrified.
There are the 'every mom fears' that I have: Will baby #2 be healthy? How hard will it be going from one kid to two? Will baby #2 take attention away from baby #1? Etc... trust me, the list goes on...
Then there are my other fears. Will I have another infection? How can I take care of two kids if I'm that sick again? What if something goes wrong with my c-section? There are a never ending list of fears that I associate with giving birth. While, yes, I had fears the first time around, they are nothing like the fears I have now.
I remember one night in particular when I had the wound vac. Kimber woke up in the middle of the night, crying to be fed. I got up, unplugged my vac from the wall charger and tried to make my way in to get her... I couldn't get out of my bedroom! The cord from me was tangled with the cord that charges it and there I stood, in my bedroom doorway, sobbing while my child cried in the other room and I couldn't get to her.
I will never forget that night for as long as I live and I never want to feel that helpless again, which makes the thought of having another kid exciting and terrifying, all at the same time.
Now that we are grown-ups (I consider us grown-ups because we now have a mortgage and a child lol) I've kind of started thinking about our future. How many kids do we want? How far apart in age are they going to be? What kind of house are we going to buy when we grow out of this one?
Mainly, we've been discussing lately when we want to bring another Baby B<3 into this world :) Ever since Kimber was born I've been saying I can't wait to be pregnant again, I can't wait for Kimber to have a sibling and for our family to grow even more. However, now that we are actually, seriously discussing when we want to have another kid, I'm terrified.
There are the 'every mom fears' that I have: Will baby #2 be healthy? How hard will it be going from one kid to two? Will baby #2 take attention away from baby #1? Etc... trust me, the list goes on...
Then there are my other fears. Will I have another infection? How can I take care of two kids if I'm that sick again? What if something goes wrong with my c-section? There are a never ending list of fears that I associate with giving birth. While, yes, I had fears the first time around, they are nothing like the fears I have now.
I remember one night in particular when I had the wound vac. Kimber woke up in the middle of the night, crying to be fed. I got up, unplugged my vac from the wall charger and tried to make my way in to get her... I couldn't get out of my bedroom! The cord from me was tangled with the cord that charges it and there I stood, in my bedroom doorway, sobbing while my child cried in the other room and I couldn't get to her.
I will never forget that night for as long as I live and I never want to feel that helpless again, which makes the thought of having another kid exciting and terrifying, all at the same time.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Nicknames
Kimber aka:
Mini poop - Pat and I used to (and still do) refer to each other as poop. For instance: Me (jokingly) "I hate your face." Pat "You're poop!" So since Pat and I are poop it only fits for our baby to be Mini poop.
Mini - We shorten it to this if she's being good.
Poop - We shorten it to this if she's being bad.
Boogers - I started calling her this recently since she constantly has had a runny nose since January 1st.
Boo-ba-loo- No idea where that came from!
Boo-Boo - Again, no clue!
Kimberlena - I'm convinced we should of named her this, or at least had her middle name be Lena b/c that's what we call her all the time!
Kimberdoodle - MIL calls her this.
Pat aka:
Poop - see above
Penguin - I have a penguin tattooed on my wrist and he has the word 'penguin' tattooed on his ring finger. The explanation for this I will save for another post.
Sparkie - Just something I said one day that stuck.
Spubby - Combination of Sparkie and Hubby.
Shmily - We read this book and the husband and wife would leave a note with the word Shmily on it. Shmily stands for: See how much I love you.
Cuttle Fish - He took me to see the movie Under the Sea at the Science Center and they had a section about cuttle fish. Well... me being a dork seriously thought they were saying cuddle fish so I started calling Pat that when I would make him cuddle with me at night. It took a few weeks for him to realize I was saying cuddle and not cuttle and corrected me. I still say it wrong though :)
And of course we can't forget the generics: Babe & Honey
So what are your nicknames for you kids or spouse/significant other?
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Truths...
1. There are such things as ugly babies. You will never think your baby is ugly, and you possibly won't think it about a close friend's addition to their family, but you know as well as I do that you've seen ugly babies before! Not all babies are created equal and some are just cuter than others.
2. Strength comes from over-coming something that you didn't know you could. I've been thinking about strength a lot lately (probably b/c I'm getting it tattooed sometime soon), and I realized I am stronger having gone through things and experiencing things I never thought I would. I think I surprised myself at how strong I was through the birth/infection experience.
3. Men cannot multi-task. This has been a very hard truth to comprehend. Probably because all I do is multi-task all day long. It's become so apparent now that we have Kimber, and Pat cannot do anything else if he is watching her. While I can literally cook dinner one handed now, he can't even make a bottle. I'm not saying this to be mean to him because #1 it's the truth and #2 it's not a fault, I seriously think it's something all men cannot do. (Or if they can they either rarely do, or aren't good at it.)
4. Whatever you make your priority will consume your life. I was talking to a girl at work today and we were discussing babies, families, dating, etc and she made a comment about being dedicated to her job. I think that's the problem. She is so consumed with work she has no time for anything else. Again, not a bad thing, making your work a priority is a good thing, it makes you a valuable employee... however, if you want to date/start a family/etc. then make that your priority.
5. None of the good stuff comes easy. Marriage/Love/Relationships are hard work. Pat and I are constantly trying to come up with ways to make our marriage better. No, we're not struggling or unhappy, we just want to strive for better. I don't want to be stuck in the same rut with our relationship, I want it to continually grow. Being a parent, probably the most rewarding thing you can ever do, it a whole lotta hard work. Anyone can (and will) tell you that! School, careers, savings, home ownership, etc... all these things require hard work, but I think they're all worth it in the end!
2. Strength comes from over-coming something that you didn't know you could. I've been thinking about strength a lot lately (probably b/c I'm getting it tattooed sometime soon), and I realized I am stronger having gone through things and experiencing things I never thought I would. I think I surprised myself at how strong I was through the birth/infection experience.
3. Men cannot multi-task. This has been a very hard truth to comprehend. Probably because all I do is multi-task all day long. It's become so apparent now that we have Kimber, and Pat cannot do anything else if he is watching her. While I can literally cook dinner one handed now, he can't even make a bottle. I'm not saying this to be mean to him because #1 it's the truth and #2 it's not a fault, I seriously think it's something all men cannot do. (Or if they can they either rarely do, or aren't good at it.)
4. Whatever you make your priority will consume your life. I was talking to a girl at work today and we were discussing babies, families, dating, etc and she made a comment about being dedicated to her job. I think that's the problem. She is so consumed with work she has no time for anything else. Again, not a bad thing, making your work a priority is a good thing, it makes you a valuable employee... however, if you want to date/start a family/etc. then make that your priority.
5. None of the good stuff comes easy. Marriage/Love/Relationships are hard work. Pat and I are constantly trying to come up with ways to make our marriage better. No, we're not struggling or unhappy, we just want to strive for better. I don't want to be stuck in the same rut with our relationship, I want it to continually grow. Being a parent, probably the most rewarding thing you can ever do, it a whole lotta hard work. Anyone can (and will) tell you that! School, careers, savings, home ownership, etc... all these things require hard work, but I think they're all worth it in the end!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
History of Us
Since we've hit the two year mark (and I've finally had time to blog) I thought I'd go back to when we first met because we all know how much everyone loves a good love story... barf...
Well we both had Mustangs and hung out with some of the same crowds. The first time I met Pat was at a party of a mutual friend. I of course was seeing someone, but I was very interested! When things ended with the other guy I was determined have Pat as mine.
The 'car people' hung out at Sonic on nice nights so I text him asking if he was going to be there. His response 'No'. Then my friend was having a party to I text him and asked if he was coming, and again he said no, that he was working on his car. At that point I had no doubt that he wasn't the least bit interested so I kind of gave up. To my surprise he said he was coming to one of my parties so I had to try one last time. I went out and got a new outfit and new jewelry and tried to make myself look nice:
He ended up spending the night and we were together ever since. We joke now because I went to my room and closed the door to change for bed and he made himself comfortable on the couch. When I came back out I told him he could sleep in bed if he promised not to cuddle, and now, I'm the one that loves my nook!
A couple months later we went camping with my brother, his g/f and some friends of theirs. It was on that trip that we started dating, or at least labeled it that. We had a great time:
We moved in together a few months later, and then just 7 months after we started dating he proposed! I was at work and received a fax from him with a map and instructions on what to do the rest of the day. It told me to go get my nails done, get lunch and come find him at 4. I found him in the heart shaped walkway at Laumier Sculpture Park and that's where is proposed. We even went back there for some wedding pictures:
Well we both had Mustangs and hung out with some of the same crowds. The first time I met Pat was at a party of a mutual friend. I of course was seeing someone, but I was very interested! When things ended with the other guy I was determined have Pat as mine.
The 'car people' hung out at Sonic on nice nights so I text him asking if he was going to be there. His response 'No'. Then my friend was having a party to I text him and asked if he was coming, and again he said no, that he was working on his car. At that point I had no doubt that he wasn't the least bit interested so I kind of gave up. To my surprise he said he was coming to one of my parties so I had to try one last time. I went out and got a new outfit and new jewelry and tried to make myself look nice:
He ended up spending the night and we were together ever since. We joke now because I went to my room and closed the door to change for bed and he made himself comfortable on the couch. When I came back out I told him he could sleep in bed if he promised not to cuddle, and now, I'm the one that loves my nook!
A couple months later we went camping with my brother, his g/f and some friends of theirs. It was on that trip that we started dating, or at least labeled it that. We had a great time:
And as they say 'the rest is history'. We got married, bought a house, and had a baby. All that in 2 years! I can't wait to see where we are in the next 2 years!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Sleep at 5 months
Is definitely NOT what I thought it would be like.
It's funny how you think you have everything planned out as an expecting mother. I was going to have her on a set schedule and she would for sure be sleeping through the night by the time I went back to work. She would never sleep in our bed with us and her naps would be at set times throughout the day. I had it all figured out.
And then she came... And my whole world was turned upside down.
I don't remember much of the first month regarding her sleeping. I was on a nice combination of pain meds plus lack of sleep resulted in me being in robot mode. I do remember a couple times waking up to her crying and I was all tangled up in my wound vac cord and the charger plugged into the wall and crying from frustration at the situation. It sucked!
Things got a little better and she was falling into a groove. We would wake up twice a night to eat. Not too shabby since I was able to sleep in, as long as she allowed, of course. Then maternity leave was over and I dreaded having to function at work on broken sleep. At that time she was getting up around 2 am or so to eat but it would take us quite a while to get her down for the night. We bumped up her bedtime to 7 pm and that helped with the struggle of getting her to go to sleep.
Currently things have totally changed. We put her to bed at 7 and she wakes up between 9 and 10 to eat again, then she wakes up between 2 and 4 and we bring her in bed with us and she sleeps until I wake her up to get ready. If we are really super lucky, all the planets are aligned, and we wish on a shooting star she will sleep from the 9/10 pm feeding all the way through the night.
I'm constantly torn on what is the 'right' thing to do. Should I bring her in bed? Should I let her cry for a few minutes? Should I go in and rock her back to sleep? Should I go ahead and feed her again? If I bring her in bed with us will she be sleeping with us still when she's 5? If I let her cry for a few minutes does she feel abandoned? If I rock her to sleep will she know when she cries I will come pick her up? If I feed her again will she ever sleep through the night? These questions play in my head every night and I don't think there is one right answer. In the end, you do what you have to do, what you think is right, and what works for your family.
It's funny how you think you have everything planned out as an expecting mother. I was going to have her on a set schedule and she would for sure be sleeping through the night by the time I went back to work. She would never sleep in our bed with us and her naps would be at set times throughout the day. I had it all figured out.
And then she came... And my whole world was turned upside down.
I don't remember much of the first month regarding her sleeping. I was on a nice combination of pain meds plus lack of sleep resulted in me being in robot mode. I do remember a couple times waking up to her crying and I was all tangled up in my wound vac cord and the charger plugged into the wall and crying from frustration at the situation. It sucked!
Things got a little better and she was falling into a groove. We would wake up twice a night to eat. Not too shabby since I was able to sleep in, as long as she allowed, of course. Then maternity leave was over and I dreaded having to function at work on broken sleep. At that time she was getting up around 2 am or so to eat but it would take us quite a while to get her down for the night. We bumped up her bedtime to 7 pm and that helped with the struggle of getting her to go to sleep.
Currently things have totally changed. We put her to bed at 7 and she wakes up between 9 and 10 to eat again, then she wakes up between 2 and 4 and we bring her in bed with us and she sleeps until I wake her up to get ready. If we are really super lucky, all the planets are aligned, and we wish on a shooting star she will sleep from the 9/10 pm feeding all the way through the night.
I'm constantly torn on what is the 'right' thing to do. Should I bring her in bed? Should I let her cry for a few minutes? Should I go in and rock her back to sleep? Should I go ahead and feed her again? If I bring her in bed with us will she be sleeping with us still when she's 5? If I let her cry for a few minutes does she feel abandoned? If I rock her to sleep will she know when she cries I will come pick her up? If I feed her again will she ever sleep through the night? These questions play in my head every night and I don't think there is one right answer. In the end, you do what you have to do, what you think is right, and what works for your family.
Monday, February 21, 2011
So Thankful
I am so thankful for this:
 |
| wearing It was time for Kimber to eat when I picked her up at the sitter's so I fed her there instead of crossing my fingers that we wouldn't have a melt down in the car. As I was sitting there the sitter was talking to a little boy's grandma about another kids mom. This woman is pregnant, due in a couple weeks and her baby has no skull. The baby won't survive very long, maybe a couple hours and my heart breaks for her, her husband and their son. My mind raced, putting myself in her situation. Obviously she's known for a while now but I would imagine you could never prepare yourself to deal with the loss of a newborn. I could not even grasp the amount of pain you would be in when your child is kicking and rolling around in your belly one minute, and the next you are holding her counting the precious minutes you have left. She walked in today to pick up her son, all glowing at 8 1/2 months pregnant, and you would have no idea the situation she's in. And here I am, holding my happy and healthy 4 1/2 month old baby girl and I felt guilty. It's one thing to hear about horrible things that can happen to babies, but when you actually meet the people who are going through it, it makes it so much more real. I spent quite a few minutes when I got home today just enjoying my daughter, praying for this woman, and being truly thankful for my family. It's scary to think that could of been me, that could of been my little girl and my family going through that. I have never had such a wake up call in my life to really value what I have. |
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Time
I feel like my life has been on fast forward the past couple years, especially these past few months. I wish I could just push pause and enjoy a little time with my little girl before she is no longer 'little'. I'm not sure where all my time is going but I'd really like to find it so I can have some to do things I enjoy.
I really want to start reading. Since we are supposed to take a mandatory 30 minute lunch break at work, I think that can be my reading time. I also want to start crocheting again. Now that I have a cute little baby to put cute little hats on I finally have a reason to pick up a hook again.
Less selfishly, I need to find time to finish painting our doors. (Yes, that's right, we are coming up on a year of having them installed and I still have not painted them. Oh and since I haven't painted them, they don't have knobs on them... I know, totally hoosier!) Let's see, I need to clean out the bedroom downstairs and finish putting things away in the laundry room. I need to clean out the garage that was turned into a bedroom so this spring we can turn it back into a garage again.
Mostly I miss spending time with my friends. I tried to get together with our friends in South County a couple weekends in a row and we still haven't seen them. We were supposed to go to the zoo last weekend with another couple but our heater went out so I spent the day at home hoping to get it fixed (which we did). I really miss my high school friend. She's the friend that I don't see very often but when we get together it's like we just saw each other yesterday. I feel like as a mom now I can't plan to do anything. Even if I were to set up plans, like for a lunch date, of course that's the one time that Kimber is going to want to eat when I'm trying to get out the door. Most of the things we do now are spur of the moment things and I'm not a spur of the moment person.
I need to find like a mommy play date group or something. I need to find people to hang out with that 1. have kids and 2. are closer to where we live. Please don't misinterpret that as me wanting to replace my old friends, I just need people at the same stage of life we are in that live in our area. I wish my friends lived closer but SoCo and NoCo are quite a drive, and like I said before, it's hard to make plans when you have no time!
I really want to start reading. Since we are supposed to take a mandatory 30 minute lunch break at work, I think that can be my reading time. I also want to start crocheting again. Now that I have a cute little baby to put cute little hats on I finally have a reason to pick up a hook again.
Less selfishly, I need to find time to finish painting our doors. (Yes, that's right, we are coming up on a year of having them installed and I still have not painted them. Oh and since I haven't painted them, they don't have knobs on them... I know, totally hoosier!) Let's see, I need to clean out the bedroom downstairs and finish putting things away in the laundry room. I need to clean out the garage that was turned into a bedroom so this spring we can turn it back into a garage again.
Mostly I miss spending time with my friends. I tried to get together with our friends in South County a couple weekends in a row and we still haven't seen them. We were supposed to go to the zoo last weekend with another couple but our heater went out so I spent the day at home hoping to get it fixed (which we did). I really miss my high school friend. She's the friend that I don't see very often but when we get together it's like we just saw each other yesterday. I feel like as a mom now I can't plan to do anything. Even if I were to set up plans, like for a lunch date, of course that's the one time that Kimber is going to want to eat when I'm trying to get out the door. Most of the things we do now are spur of the moment things and I'm not a spur of the moment person.
I need to find like a mommy play date group or something. I need to find people to hang out with that 1. have kids and 2. are closer to where we live. Please don't misinterpret that as me wanting to replace my old friends, I just need people at the same stage of life we are in that live in our area. I wish my friends lived closer but SoCo and NoCo are quite a drive, and like I said before, it's hard to make plans when you have no time!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2010
Holy amazing year!!!
January - 15th to be exact, I found out I was pregnant! Obviously, this was also the day I quit smoking.
February - We met the baby! I had my first doctor appointment and internal ultrasound to see our little blob.
I also turned 23! Pat took me to the Science Center to see Under the Sea. It was super neat, I had only been there one other time and forgot how cool watching movies there is. For Valentines Day he took me to Walk with the Penguins at the Zoo. It was sooo cool! They come right up to you! It was amazing. He also bought me a piece of penguin art.
January - 15th to be exact, I found out I was pregnant! Obviously, this was also the day I quit smoking.
February - We met the baby! I had my first doctor appointment and internal ultrasound to see our little blob.
I also turned 23! Pat took me to the Science Center to see Under the Sea. It was super neat, I had only been there one other time and forgot how cool watching movies there is. For Valentines Day he took me to Walk with the Penguins at the Zoo. It was sooo cool! They come right up to you! It was amazing. He also bought me a piece of penguin art.
They actually let the penguins walk in the paint and then walk across canvasses. This is probably one of the neatest things Pat has ever done for me!
March - We celebrated our first wedding anniversary. We didn't do anything too exciting since we were broke (you'll see why in April).
April - We bought our first house!!!!
And oh yeah...
IT'S A GIRL!!!
May - We took a trip to Ikea and bought Kimber's furniture, our bedroom furniture, and furniture for Pat's office for less than $1,500. Not too shabby!
The in-laws took us to Mexico for my mother-in-law's birthday. We went to Tulum to see the ruins and we also swam in a cenote (underwater cave). Pretty neat (even though I was 5 months pregnant and spent the entire week sweating lol)
June - We finally got our $8K for the first time home buyers and went out and bought a kitchen table and chairs, couch and loveseat, and a 46" Samsung LCD TV with matching surround and Bluray player. Oh and we also switched to Verizon and got the Droid X.
I HAD to have this couch since it had a chaise. My feet were sooo swollen so it was nice to be able to prop them up, per dr's orders.
Less exciting, but still just as important, we got carpet for the bedrooms and re-did everything. We painted all three bedrooms, put in new trim, bought new blinds, and got white 6 panel doors. Pat's dad also hooked us up with ceiling fans since none of the rooms had ceiling lights (which I still don't understand why they make houses without them!), and Pat replaced all the outlet covers and light switches with nice new white ones. Whew, a lot of improvements!
July - Pat's 25th birthday! Woohoo insurance deduction! LOL I took him to Yellowstone Cafe and then out to see a movie.
August - I had my first baby shower!
That next week Pat's grandpa passed away. We are sad he didn't get to meet his granddaughter but know he's in a better place and is no longer suffering.
RIP Marvin
My great grandma was also in and out of the hospital and was diagnosed with failure to survive... not cool! She's a fighter and is still with us and I am thankful for everyday she's here.
September - Kimber arrived! And we got her newborn pictures taken.
Nuff said for this month!
October - I was back in the hospital the week after giving birth. My c-section had gotten infected and I pray that I don't ever have to go through that again!
We visited Jon in Ottawa to see him play baseball, and Rae play soccer.
I had a baby shower with Pat's side of the family.
November - Kimber had her first shots at her two month doctor appointment. I'm pretty sure it was as tough on her as it was on mommy! Those shots were no fun!
We celebrated our first Thanksgiving with Kimber and realized that carting around a two month old between families is no fun and totally messes up schedules!
I was given the 'all clear' from my doctor after the infection.
December - My last month of maternity leave, and I'm so sad to be going back to work!
Christmas with our new addition.
And ended the year with a new tattoo.
2011 has some HUGE shoes to fill!
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