Honesty

It's time I'm honest with myself about a few things I'm unhappy with.

First, I picked up smoking again. It was so easy to quit when I knew it could affect someone other than myself, and even while I was on maternity leave I didn't pick it back up again. Once I returned to work I found myself going out on breaks with the smokers, then eventually I'd bum one, and then caved and bought a pack. We quit for a few weeks but I don't actually want to quit. I enjoy my breaks at work, and my 5 minutes of peaceful breaks at home where I'm doing something that I want to do, not a chore of being a wife and mother. I know I shouldn't want to smoke, but I do, it's something that I enjoy and I can't explain it better than that.

With all that being said I'm getting $2,500 worth of work done on my teeth and I will not be smoking after that. I don't want to quit but I also don't want to spend all that money just to turn my teeth yellow. It's going to be super hard, and something I'm not looking forward to but I'm going to do it. I already feel sorry for my husband who is going to have to be by my crabby side for this!

Secondly, and this is harder for me to come to terms with, I hate being fat. I gained a little weight when Pat and I started dating and then when I got pregnant I couldn't believe how much weight I put on. I planned on being close to my pre-pregnancy weight by the time I went back to work and I'm not even close, 6 months later. In part I blame all the problems I had after I had her. By the time I was well enough to get out of the house the weather sucked. Now though, I'm just being lazy.

I'm unhappy with the way I look but I have pretty much no idea where to begin to fix that. I started taking Kimber on walks (about 1 1/4 miles) at night and I plan on changing what we eat for dinner. That is a hassle too though, I have about 10 dinners that I can pretty much make without looking at the recipe. So now I'm going to have to learn all new meals. I've thought about joining the Renaud Center to take classes, but then what do I do with Kimber? They do have daycare there but they won't feed bottles or change diapers, and it even states that they will come pull you out of a class if your child needs you.

I have a couple things to motivate me to loose weight (my brother's wedding where I'm going to be seeing my biological for the first time in years and Kimber's 1 year photo shoot in August) but apparently those things aren't really motivating me, huh? In a perfect world I think being healthy should be easy and being fat should take work! Wouldn't that be great?